No more camp blog

Dear World,
So, I've had a while. Camp has been over for about 4 weeks for me. I've been going over the summer, and frankly, this whole past year, as it relates to camp, and I'm just ready to get on with things. I don't want my thoughts, year, and entire life to be centered around Sambica. It's a camp. A wonderful one, but not a home. My home is my home, where I spend most of my life. My camp is my camp, where I spend my summers. If I stayed totally centered around camp I won't be able to focus in on the rest of my life.

I'm moving forward, I have so much else to focus on. When I first started this blog, in 2010 for my first year at Sambica, it just about changed my life. At the end of it, I made a post on if I was going to continue the blog throughout the year, and I chose to keep it up. This time though, I will be turning off my Sambica/camp blogging for the year. I will post once Refuge's come around, but from now on, posts will only come when I go to Sambica.

BUT, I just can't give it up! I love to write. I love blogging. So, I will be creating another blog. This one will be for my everyday life. For things I go through that don't really have anything to do with Sambica. It will be for my thoughts and my ideas. You can check out that blog by clicking here. Please follow it. I would love to make it just as popular as I've made this one. If I was able to get a few hundred views a month on that blog as well, I'd be very happy.

I'll update once a Refuge comes around. :)

In Him,
Maddie Rose

What I miss the most.

Dear World,

It feels different being back home. (though I'm not currently home. I'm in Oregon for a short period of time, but I was home for about two weeks before we left.) There are the obvious things that would be different. The temperature (BIG one), scenery, daily schedule, and basically the way of life as a whole is just completely different. One of the big things I find myself missing is just the Washington culture and way of life. It was so inviting to what I enjoy and I miss it very much.

Un-like last year though, I don't miss Sambica in quite the same way that I did. Last summer, I missed my memories, experiences, and the camp itself and always wanted to be back there again. This year I miss the people more. The program I was in allowed me to make such deeper and closer relationships with Elites and mentors. When I left last summer, I continued to talk to maybe 1 or 2 of the mentors, and Elites always SAID that we wanted to stay in contact, but never did. This time, every single mentor wants to stay in contact and talking to Elites is just a regular thing. Doesn't even feel excessive. Just natural. It's one of those things you don't think too much about. Of course we'll talk a lot. I woke up 3 feet away from you everyday for 3 weeks. It would feel weird if communication was limited.

I told one of the current mentors, Sage, (I usually try to call them by their real names after camp is over, but she will always be Sage to me.. :) ) that I was really scared to be forgotten as these last weeks went on. This, I know, is a lie fed to me by Satan, but it's definitely a good one because my biggest fear is getting close to people and having them either forget about me or move on and try to push me away. BUT, one thing Sage is good at is reassuring you of the truth, no matter how hard it is to accept.

I'm so happy for the mentors I have this year. Each one did something different for me, and each one knows me in a little different way. Some know more than others, but they all know different things and I feel so blessed to have so many want to be there for me.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

Camp...

Dear World,

It's been an intense weekend. I've been really busy and extremely exhausted, but I'm finally going to be getting around to doing my last post of camp.

As I've thought about camp this summer, I keep forgetting about my time as an LIT. It seems so distant, and un-important. Though, I know it is. Those first 3 weeks were extremely rough. That's where a lot of the painful changes took place. It wasn't till the last couple of days that I started opening myself up to a select few people, and I was completely blown away by what was there for me to experience. So, I was extremely excited for my next session as a PIT where I'd get to invest in these relationships more, and see what God had for me through them.

Little did I know that the PIT program leaves little or no time to invest in lives other than campers. From 6:45 in the morning when I'd step out on the field to do inflatable set up, to 6:00 at night when we'd finish our debrief and head over to dinner, we were working. We would usually get at least one break a day, but it would only REALLY be a break if you went back to where we lived and took a nap. If you chose to take your break any where else, you were basically still working. If we were ever trying to hang out at the waterfront on our breaks, and see if we could find time with a mentor or Elite, that time was usually always cut short or prevented from happening at all when at least 2 or more campers would come running up to you and want to be with you. And the thing that was hard was they were on the same schedule we were, so their waterfront time was just as long as our break.

It was difficult a lot because we'd be working so long, and by working I mean we'd be entertaining kids for 6 1/2 to 7 hours (if you didn't have a break, which sometimes you didn't), and then we'd have a night activity with the other Elites, which would usually go till 9:30, then we'd have an hour to shower, and get ready for bed. We'd often utilize this last hour to work on those relationships with other Elites and mentors that we had little time during the rest of the day to invest in. Occasionally it would go right up to 10:30 when lights went out, but usually, we'd talk much longer. Sometimes till 11:45 or midnight. So it was really hard the next day when we'd be up by 6:15, with little sleep, and then have to go through our whole 17 hour day again. Especially when we'd be meeting 6 completely different cabins and we'd want to make it a great fun experience for them.

So, it was really difficult. It really tore me apart to have so little time with Elites and mentors. . . but, I can't tell you how rewarding it was to see how I could work with these campers for such a short period of time and have such a big impact on their lives. I asked one girl to tell me at the end of the week what her favorite thing was that she learned, and she came running at me on the last day and told me that she learned that Jesus loved her more than anyone else could. (I nearly cried when I got this answer) One girl was always teased for her singing and asked me what she should do. Another had a hard time dealing with other boys. My partner and I had a talk with him, and he straightened out so quickly. A boy last week asked me to take him to Heaven and when I said I wasn't able to do that, he asked me how to get there. I had question after question after question, I tried to answer them the best I could, and when I didn't have an answer for them, I told them that I didn't know, but if you asked God, He would probably tell you. The excitement in their eyes when some would come to me later on with an answer made up for the lack of depth in every Elite and mentor relationship.

I saw clearly how I was able to make a different in about 20 kid's lives. I met 350 kids JUST this past week, not to mention the two weeks before. I don't know if I was able to do much for all of them, but I do know that when I'd act crazy and fun, it would add to their camp experience, which was enough to make it an all around great experience for each of them. It was so great to see how God was able to use me this summer in these kid's lives, whether in a close personal way, or just by making their time on Kayaks, Archery, Bouldering, or Rockets a really fun time. I'm just happy I was able to be of use to Him. :)

In Him,
Maddie Rose

I am not Californian or Washingtonian. I am me.

Dear World,

God is helping me find me. I was, and have been, so lost in the knowledge of who I am. Mostly in how it relates to where I am at. So much of my heart and life lives in California. It walks the streets I've known since birth, it belongs individually to each person I've grown close to amongst my church family, and it dwells comfortably in the flowing hills of Palm Springs that are so near and dear to everything I've know in my life. Palm Springs is so beautiful to me. Because it's my home, the rolling desert and sand, surrounded bye thousands of palm trees and towering mountains is the most beautiful sight to me. It means home. It means memories. It means somewhere I'm comfortable, know, and am not un-familiar.

Yet, through this last year, my heart is finding itself a new home. A home with many different trees, and not just palm trees. A home where clouds are frequent visitor and rain isn't un-familiar. Washington is capturing me. Not just with its dreary weather and never existing sun, but with its people. Its culture. Washington is so different from California. Standards are so different. In California, there are out of this world expectation to look, and be, a certain way. And yes, this exists in other places, such as Washington, as well, but it's never as intense as it is in California. In Washington, I see so many people who don't even care that they're wearing pajamas out in public. I try to be like this,  but it's so hard when you have so many people judging you.

Not only that, but I have so many more opportunities to pursue things I'm interested in up in Washington. I don't have so many in Palm Springs. Washington is basically the homeschool capitol of the country. It's got its own thriving music industry. It's also overflowing with teenage opportunities. Un-like Palm Springs, which is basically a retirement area.

God is really showing me who I am between the person I feel I am in California, and the person I feel I am in Washington. I definitely feel like two different people. And as I've been finding myself, I've started being more comfortable with myself. I've always been confident with who I am at the time. But the thing is, it was always a modified version of me. Not who I really was. There were always other things effecting it. Whether it was sports, trends, places, or relationships, it was never me. It was always something else that was taking over my life. I was confident in it, and didn't care if people liked it or not, but it was never actually me, which is probably why I didn't care if they liked it. Because it wasn't actually me they were liking.

Sambica is helping me get in touch with who I really am. A teenage girl, with lots of plans for the future, a passion for music, and a pure love for Jesus. As long as I hold on to those things, I will never lose myself to anyone, or anything. Thank you Sambica. Will talk more tomorrow about exactly what happened this week.

In Him,
Maddie

A week in review

Dear World,

This has been one of the most challenging weeks I've ever walked through at Sambica. Partially because it was a whole new program to adjust to. Partially because there were people I used to really like that have started to really make me mad. And partially because I got to know a lot of the kids really well, and then I had to say goodbye to them all on Friday. I'm going to touch on each of these in this post today.

First off, the program. PIT is basically what I expected. A lot more work. It has been absolutely exhausting. We almost never stop working. Our Head of Activities encourages us to find at most, one break of 45ish minutes a day, but this isn't always possible. On a full day, we're on schedule from 9:30 am to 5:35 pm, playing and being crazy with kids (ranging in ages 5-11) nonstop. This isn't counting getting up at 6 every morning to be out on the field to set up all the inflatables, as well as one of our activities courses. The work is freaking ridiculous, and I don't know why I pay to do it, but the one thing I was really grateful for was being in a program with kids my own age. It may not seem like it, but there is a big difference between a 13/14 year old's maturity level, and a 15/16 year old's maturity level. The hardest part for me has always been being put in programs where I'm the oldest (because I've always been a grade behind). I just never fit because I don't seem to connect with the others as much because they're younger. So mostly my bible study time has been my favorite because I feel like I'm finally on a level with other teens who are in the same place as me, maturity and faith wise. It's just been so great.

As far as the people go.... there's actually two parts to this, because there have also been a lot of people that I didn't know so well, and have really clicked with. But along with that has come others who I've known before that I want to punch in the face every time I see. There's one of my mentors who I vent to about everybody else at camp, and she is really good about encouraging me to just put on a happy face and push through it. This has been good because when I do this, it helps me to ignore every slap in the face thing they do, and focus on the few good things they do... like talking to me... should they even do that. It's just been a really rough week in this department. People can be really mean. But I'm learning to ignore it.

Now to my favorite part. I can't tell you what it's done for me to be able to work with all these amazing kids! Teenagers and leadership can just get so frustrating and completely heartbreaking to be with. These kids haven't gone through the blender of the world. Most are still innocent. And my favorite part. They don't lie to you about if they like you or not. They are very straightforward. And usually, after the 45-65 minutes I spend with each cabin, they're looking forward to the next activity I have with them. When I see a lot of them around camp, I hear my camp name "Art" being screamed from a few different directions.

It's just been so great and refreshing not being around people who lie to you or are evasive about if they like you as a person or not. Like those silly mind games people play on you. "Maybe if I pretend not to like that person, they will end up wanting me to like them more, and in turn, like me more." You know what I'm talking about. The silly beating around the bush thing that helps them feel good about themselves in the long run. Or when they say that they love you and then do nothing to show that love to you. No affection or time investment or communication of any sort. I love that these kids don't know how to do that. They are completely straightforward. If they like you, they like you, and there is no way you wouldn't be able to know. I had 3 cabins give me huge group hugs at the end up their activities on Friday, and one girl, whom I'd grown particularly fond of, start crying when I saw her for the last time. Each Friday is going to be sad, but all the time I get to spend with the kids leading up to that is going to be the greatest ever.

So yes. A very challenging week, to say the least. But quite worth the money at the end of it.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

Excited about PIT!

Dear World,

Now, I leave to go to Sambica for 5 days! And then I'm back at my house for the weekend, and go back on Sunday nights. It's going to be a very different experience. But one that I think I really need. I believe that it's going to grow me and stretch me in a different way. I'm not the same person I was last year when I came to camp. I need different things now. And I think the PIT program will be able to offer them. I still have a lot of work to do, but working with the kids is going to be the greatest part of the whole thing.

Last week I got to sit and talk with a little boy. His name is Andrew. He is really shy, but he was even more so right here because he'd hurt himself and didn't want to interact with anyone. I sat for a few minutes, just talking to him, with no response. And after a little while, he started answering my questions. It was the most beautiful thing to watch this boy start to come out of his hiding place and interact with me.

And that is what I'm looking forward to the most about being with the kids. It's not going to be the same as this boy, but just being able to be with them, play with them, and teach them how to do different things is going to be my absolute favorite part. Kids are my passion, and I hope to be working with them every single day of my life.

And with that, I'll see you all on Friday! :)

In Him,
Maddie Rose

What I learned from first sesh

Dear World,

Unfortunately, God doesn't always work over-night. It's a process. So, after 3 weeks of trying to hear from Him, and having different people pray with me, I'm slowly being re-opened to Him.

There's been a lot that could be pushing me away from God. I'm so happy to say that my time with Him has persevered through a lot, but like most relationships, there are ups and downs. I didn't push God away, I just simply got too focused on relying on myself, and not Him. And almost at the very beginning of camp, someone showed that to me. I couldn't do it by myself. But now that I knew it, I had to do something about it, and that's where I struggled, because I didn't know what to do. But after expressing this to a couple of close friends, they showed me the only thing I could do was to stop worrying, and start knowing that God had it under control. I hesitated a little at first, but slowly over the last 2 weeks, I'd started giving different things to Him. As I've continued to let it go, I've started to see God show back up in my life. It's still hard, because there is a lot that I need to give up to Him, but I'm feeling more and more at peace in letting Him handle it all.

So yea, that's what's been happening with me spiritually at camp. The mentors had asked me to do a little talk thing at the last forum in front of the parents, but I said no, because I felt like my spiritual time at camp was still growing, and I couldn't think of what I'd say. I'm excited to see how things are going to change during 2nd session when I'm staying overnight.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

I wuv ellfordee!

Dear World,


Ok. Does anyone even realize how much I love L4D? Like, I can't even explain it. I love her SO MUCH! (l4d is a mentor from last year, who has continued to be my mentor this whole year) This is just a little back story. A couple months before Sambica this year, I started to lose my excitement. There were different reasons why, but the main one being that I didn't want to have to detach myself from the people up here again. But, the only reason I ended up looking forward to it was that I'd get to see l4d again. I hadn't seen her since I left camp last year, and that alone was enough for me to be really excited for the summer.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, but seeing her again WAS amazing. It kind of filled a longing for what I was forced to push away last year. (what I mean there is I was living with one foot in both worlds. Sambica and California. It was too hard, so I had to stop pursuing Sambica people, and focus myself in California) But I really didn't need anyone else. Just seeing her told me that the summer was going to be fine. She was there. I didn't need to worry. It was going to be ok.

But of course, that didn't last. She isn't a mentor. She's our supervisor. So basically, I see her at meals and when she is rushing off to go somewhere, and maybe occasionally at water front, but not that often. It was really hard at first, because I didn't really have any mentors in California. All the ones I had truly trusted were from Sambica last year, and I was in a place of no acceptance and was scared of what the new mentors would be like.

I eventually realized that I couldn't spend my summer wanting to be with l4d. If I truly wanted to have a good time, I needed to forget about her, and get to know these new mentors. And I know that's a strong statement, to forget about her, but really what I mean is I needed to focus on these new mentors. Obviously if I'm going to get a chance to be with l4d, I'm going to take it because I barely see her at all. But, when I'm with the mentors, I be with the mentors. And I really get to know them.

Basically, this year is different. It's not like the mentors are my second choice to l4d. Quite the opposite now actually. Because I've decided to start focusing on them, I'm starting to really really like them. To where I really like being with them. We're developing our own inside jokes, having fun together, talking with each other. I actually WANT to be with them. And when I see l4d, I'm excited to see her too. :) But I'm not as upset as I was about not being with her. That has been replaced with actual excitement to be with these mentors instead. :)

But also. I am excited to stay over night, because that does mean I see l4d more. :) Just because I'm loving these mentors doesn't mean I'm not excited when I get to see her. It's actually been the opposite. Because I've kind of forgotten about her and that she's there, and started hanging out with the mentors, when I do see her, it's so much awesomer. Even if I'm not talking to her, just seeing her puttering around, doing her job, it makes me happy to know I have her here with me. Because I do love the freakin crap outta her. :)

Mhmm, so yea. I LOVE YOU SAGE, PEZ, BOATCRASH, GILLIGAN, CABANA, SCUBA, AND L4D! Sambica 2011, you're becoming my best friend. <3

In Him,
Maddie Rose

Mentors: Cool? or Lacking?

Dear World,

It's finally happening, prayers are being answered, and I'm starting to really really get excited. This is going to sound really bad and like a stupid thing to be excited about, but I'm starting to really enjoy camp again! And if you think about it, this is really only like my 7th day because I was gone all last week, so I missed out on a lot. I really feel like I just got here, because I was gone, so it feels like a fast change, when really, this is my 3rd week at camp.

The main thing to change and make it better has been the mentors. Aka, getting to know them better. First week I definitely wasn't closed off to them, but they did seriously scare me. Like, what are they going to be like, I wonder if they're anything like the mentors from last year (because obviously your going to have a subconscious standard that you really want them to meet and exceed, even if you know that that isn't the greatest thing in the world), I wonder if they'll like me, maybe they're not going to like me right away. And that one was definitely the worst.

I totally expected them not to like me. "She's just that girl with all the problems who can't handle herself and needs constant help." People have sort of labeled me as that this year and I was really scared that these new people would think that as well. Especially at Sambica, because that place seems to have some kind of protective bubble, where you can talk to anybody about anything your dealing with and it wouldn't leave the campus. So you tend to talk about yourself and your problems a lot.

And also, (off topic) the funniest thing, there was this one mentor that I was totally convinced did not like me at all. Her name is Scuba. I don't know what I miss-interpreted to make myself think that, but anyway. I was talking to her, this other mentor Pez, and this other one, Sage, was kind of just sitting on the tube in the playground, not really listening. I think I said something about how I'd been really nervous about them the first week, and all of a sudden, Scuba stops me and says, "Now I heard . . . that you had thought that I hated you . . ." And she said it in the funniest tone. It wasn't really like a joking thing, but almost as if she was accusing me like, how could I have possibly thought that. It was just really funny. And then I point over at Sage, who was sitting on the tube, not paying attention, and was like "YOU TOLD HER!?!?!?" It was just really funny. But anyway, I'm starting to connect with them a little bit, and I'm learning a lot about them.

I don't want to say that they've met the expectations I subconsciously held, because I don't think they have. Rather, the standards are kind of melting away, so there isn't anything for them to live up to. Like the mentors from last year, they're staking their claims on their portion and involvement in my summer and are refusing to give them up. They're making their own mark that no individual to come could surpass or fall short of, because their moments are individual to them as my mentors.

So yeah. :) Looking forward to more good days with growingly awesome people.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

I'll change for you

Dear World,

I'm a very affectionate person. Sometimes, I can over express my love for someone. It's just who I am. Maybe, subconsciously I'll think that the amount you love someone equals how much you tell them, or how much you talk to them. So it really doesn't make sense to me when people say that they love me a lot, and then they show their love in a very minuscule amount. It's been the hardest thing for me to learn when I get close to people. They either don't know how, or are incapable or loving me the way I respond to.

There are people that I KNOW, very specifically, love me like a sister. And I know they'd do anything for me, but sometimes, they won't respond to me if I'm trying to get a hold of them, or it'll be a really long time before they try to contact me again, or they'll hang around other people instead of me, and I always take that really hard. I know they never mean it intentionally. They just don't know how to show me affection in a way I'd respond to. So, I learn how to show affection in a way that pleases them.

If that means a conversation every few months to catch up on life, a hug in passing, or watching you love on others then quickly ask me how my day was, then ok. If that's what makes you feel closer to me, then I'll learn how to feel closer to you in that way. Because I love you.

But you know, if you ever feel like sending me an extra text, asking a more personal question, or giving me a hug, I wouldn't argue. In fact, it may fill a longing I've had for a really long time.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

I love you! - Adventure Camp Recap

Dear World,

What do you think of first when you hear those words? "I love you." Is it your boyfriend? Maybe your parents. Little brother or sister. That little kid that's so attached to you, and it makes your heart melt. Maybe God. I have one uncommon contribution to this list. How about nature? Yep. You read this right. No. I'm not pulling your leg or making a joke...

Have you ever thought of love, maybe specific to you as a person or maybe the feeling in general, being shown through nature? Well, I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, that nature is at the top of my list when I think about the words 'I love you'.

But I guess the real question is, who is saying those words to me? Well God of course! God has shown me love in many different ways. Whether it's through His word, music, a sermon, or friendships, but never before has He shown me love through His creation. He has so radically changed how I see Him. He's no longer the isolated, little word that's read in my Bible, or said many times in a conversation, but He is now everything I see, do, and touch.

Yesterday, Thursday, my group and the YD staff went on a hike. This isn't your chill little afternoon hike. We were hiking up this mountain for 4 hours. We couldn't go all the way to the top because of the snow, but we were about a mile in elevation. Once we reached our destination, we could see other mountains that we were above. It was breathtaking, and humbling. I thought I could see the whole world. I was looking across distances I had never imagined I'd see. But then, I realized, this is only a speck in His great creation. There is so much more out there, even though I thought I could see it all.

The main thing this camping trip to Leavenworth has done for me is totally open my eyes to how BIG God is. He isn't just a word in my Bible, or a sound that my preacher makes, but he has made a huge, and spectacular creation for me to live in. And even though I think I may live in a world that is huge, God is even bigger! And because I have been able to see how big God is, I have no trouble thinking that He is strong enough to handle everything I'm dealing with. And that's something I've been struggling with for a while now: knowing and trusting that God can take everything out of my hands. Seriously though, after this week, and that hike, how could I even doubt?

That doesn't mean I'm not scared though. It's terrifying. There is a lot that I'm scared about. But I can say that it relieves me greatly to know that my life is in good hands, and also that this will all turn out well.

And with that, I say goodnight as I go to cuddle in my bed that is NOT on a hard wood floor. :)

In Him,
Maddie Rose

What to expect from Adventure Camp?

Dear World,

Ok, if I'm being totally honest, I am completely not looking forward to Adventure Camp next week for the LITs. I have compiled a list of reasons for this rash statement.

1. I don't like camping.
2. I'll miss everyone at Sambica for the week.
3. I'd miss my BFF's testimony on Thursday night.
4. I'm a little nervous of what's going to come of the trip. What type of spiritual experiences are going to come out of it. I've never been nervous to experience God. Sometimes though, there are things you are scared to feel, and you try your hardest not to, but God will just get it out anyway.

So yeah. But there are some good things that will come of this trip, that I'm excited about. I have compiled another list of these things.

1. It's going to be a lot of fun.
2. I'll get to spend a week with a couple people that I know, as well as several that I don't, and that I'll get to know a lot better.
3. I won't have to work when the day and resident campers are at camp. :)
4. Event though I'm scared and nervous for what God wants to pull out of me, I'm a hopeful for what's going to happen and how I'll change and grow.

So yea. Pros and cons. But I know it's going to be a good time. I just have to wait and see it through. :) I'll post on Friday afternoon after I get back about how it was.

In Him,
Maddie

Analyzing Camp

Dear World,

I'm at a bit of a loss for words about camp this week. It's all made me so confused as to how the rest of these 5 weeks is going to go. There have been some pretty awesome times, followed by an equal amount of difficult and hard times, as well as irritating and frustrating times. Everyone from last year is great. Having them around, and hanging out with them all the time, just brings back some amazing memories, and in the process, we create ones that are even better. Meeting new people has been a bit of a tight spot for me because I'm in a work group with guys I already knew from last year, and I just haven't had the chance. We've had fun together though, and I wouldn't given that up. It was too priceless.

As for the new mentors. . . . . sub-par.

Don't worry. I'm totally joking. I actually like them more than I thought I would. A lot of them are very interesting, fun, and seem to be totally cool with the big man in the clouds. Yesterday, because I was totally convinced that 3 of them didn't like me, I brought them some McDonald's, and I think I hit the gold. :)

If I was asked my favorite station this week, and mentor to work with, I think it'd be a tie between Pez and Scuba. Scuba was a looot of fun, and there is something about her that is a little intriguing to me. She seems much more normal than I thought she would be after I first met her. And I loved our Bible study time with Pez. That was the only one where we talked about stuff that didn't have to do with the questions, and it was great. And we wrote the dish washing song, which is going to be legendary from now on.

My absolute favorite part about this first week. . . . was spending time with my fellow Elites from last year. There was a lot of catching up to do, and we'd had some pretty great talks. It has just been a really awesome time that I got to spend with them.

Anyways, I'm moments away from crashing, so I think I'll climb into my warm bed now. I will post more tomorrow on the stimulating topic of, 'Camp: First Week'.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

A Change

Dear World,

I choose to trust God with my life.

In Him,
Maddie

First Day. Good or not good. That is the question.

Dear World,

The fist day is over, and honestly, I'm a little relieved. Sambica is so different this year. I mean, there are a lot of Elites that aren't coming till next session, and that's fine, but I just miss them. I am excited to get to know the mentors better. The camp has changed a lot. The work is different and so were the people. Sometimes it's just hard when there was something you loved so much, and you set very high standards, and then you may even make them higher, just because of excitement and expectation, and when things fall short, it's a little disappointing. But the good thing is it's just the first day, and there is so much to do from here. So much to experience, so much to learn, and so much to love.

I must say, Elites never fail to try to have a good time. When one is down, the others try to pick them back up. And there were others who felt the same way I did, but even amongst us who were a little disappointed was a lot of encouragement, and now we're all excited for the rest of this session and the summer.

It never ceases to surprise me how instantaneously we are all there for each other. I can't wait to see how my relationship with the Elites grows and matures this year.

So the theme of this post, not a great first day, but definitely excited for all the days to come.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

Reunions

Dear World,

I was waiting 9 months for tonight, and I'm so happy to be back! When I was driving up to camp, I was so excited, so nervous, and a little scared. So much changes in all that time. I already knew there were going to be different mentors, and I knew there would be some new ELITEs, and they would have probably made some changes to the camp, and heck, some people were probably going to not even look the same! So, yes. I was very nervous.

But you know what changed that? Hearing my name being screamed from inside the building, and having my mentor from last year, flat out running to get to me. Remember L4D? Yep, it was her. And then, being knocked over, and rolling around on the ground with my friend Delaney. Being snuck up on by some, and ridiculed by others for walking by them and not noticing them, but I didn't care, I was so happy to see them all.

Whatever happens this year, whether good or bad, whether I like it or not, it was good to know I've already got people who love me and have accepted me. I could care less what these new people think... Ok, maybe I care a little bit. ;)

In Him,
Maddie

Churches vs. The Church

Dear World,

The thing about the church I go to, well, it freakin rules. I love the teaching, the worship is pretty legit, and the people there are like my family. I call it my church. But then again, I've called many churches in the past "my church". One from a long time ago, I call my home church. I always return to it. It's always been a part of the picture. But then there is my childhood church, that I haven't been back to since I was probably 8 or 9, and I called it "my church". Basically what I'm trying to get at is, what does it mean to claim a church as your own?

Well, it's not yours. It's God's.

But what about the fact that I'm trying to re-adjust to a different church here in Washington. Just the fact that I need to 're-adjust' has something wrong in and of itself. I do acknowledge the retorts to this that, yes, people tend to go to one church and claim it as theirs because it's the one that they go to every week and the one that has people they know, music they love, and preaching that strikes them. But what I think is wrong and what people should realize is, there isn't anything wrong with other churches. Just because you choose not to go to them doesn't mean that they are bad because of that. Other people go to them, and that's good enough.

But also, there is no such thing as other churches, or my church, or their church. We are ALL the church. A community of believers spreading the gospel. Together, we make up the church. Not separately. It would just be a little chaotic if we all tried to gather in the same place at the same time.

At the end of the day, we're just people who meet in a structure with 4 walls to talk about the one we love the most. And that's all it should ever be.

In Him,
Maddie Rose

Back to the Same-old

Dear World,


I'm back in Washington! And this time, it's for SAMBICA as well. I'm so excited. Especially when I walk into the kitchen where I made Cap'n Crunch every morning before I left. And when I walk up the staircase I descended dozens of times, sleepy eyed, ready for another day at camp. But nothing got to me like seeing the room where I was broken, encouraged, desperate, hurting, and where I spent hundreds of hours reading my Bible, preparing for camp, and writing these posts.


To see the ghost of my past summer has made me so ready and excited for this summer. These last 10 months have been torture. Waiting and waiting and waiting to come back. To see everyone. To hug them. To smell the flowers as I walk up to the upper forum. To feel the itchy grass when I lie on my back at the water front. And to hear the screams of excited kids, ready for the greatest time of their lives. It's been hard to wait, but here I am. So close. And I only have a few more days to get through, and then it'll all start again. But it's not going to be the same. It can't. Because everything is different now. The same thing never happens twice, but maybe, this time it'll be even more of an adventure. This time, my summer will be marked by experiences and memories of it's own, making it another summer to remember for the rest of my life.


With excitement and love,
In Him,
Maddie Rose

Baptized!

Dear World,

Sambica 2011 is approaching fast! I'm so excited to go back, but I've also been contemplating over the last year. Last June to this May. So much has changed. Other than everything around me feeling like it's been thrown into a blender on high, I know that I have become almost a different person. I'm not the same shy, quiet, and timid person I once was. I now have my identity in Christ. Today I was baptized and now I only wish to embody the Holy Spirit and when people look at me, I can only hope that they will see it in me. That's all I wish for this next year. In my life, my years have been dated according to the beginning of each summer. This last year has radically changed my life forever! But I'm also so excited for this next year. Because from this day forward, He will be everything I do, speak, and believe. There will be nothing that comes between me and the Father. He is not only my life, but my world. He is more precious to me than anything. There's nothing I wouldn't give up for Him. I've been baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit and all 3 of them will be with me for every single day of my life, till the day I die, and I get to go and live with Him in his kingdom. :)

I love you so much Lord! And even if no one understands this, You do, and that's all that will ever matter to me. Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, for everything you've done in my life!

In Him,
Maddie Rose

Long Distances Don't Break the Friendship!

Dear World,

Something just hit me. I'm going back to sambica in almost a month. I was thinking about all the people I met there last year, and then I thought, they treat me like such a big part of their lives, and I am so far away. I can only see them every few months, and sometimes, not even that. I haven't seen most of them since November. And yet, they treat me like I'm such a ginormous part of their life. I don't really have a whole lot I want to share in this post, just that, even though we're separated by almost 2,000 miles we're still the best friends we've got.

Aaaaanddd, I'm really excited to be seeing them in 7 weeks!

In Him,
Maddie Rose