I wuv ellfordee!

Dear World,


Ok. Does anyone even realize how much I love L4D? Like, I can't even explain it. I love her SO MUCH! (l4d is a mentor from last year, who has continued to be my mentor this whole year) This is just a little back story. A couple months before Sambica this year, I started to lose my excitement. There were different reasons why, but the main one being that I didn't want to have to detach myself from the people up here again. But, the only reason I ended up looking forward to it was that I'd get to see l4d again. I hadn't seen her since I left camp last year, and that alone was enough for me to be really excited for the summer.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, but seeing her again WAS amazing. It kind of filled a longing for what I was forced to push away last year. (what I mean there is I was living with one foot in both worlds. Sambica and California. It was too hard, so I had to stop pursuing Sambica people, and focus myself in California) But I really didn't need anyone else. Just seeing her told me that the summer was going to be fine. She was there. I didn't need to worry. It was going to be ok.

But of course, that didn't last. She isn't a mentor. She's our supervisor. So basically, I see her at meals and when she is rushing off to go somewhere, and maybe occasionally at water front, but not that often. It was really hard at first, because I didn't really have any mentors in California. All the ones I had truly trusted were from Sambica last year, and I was in a place of no acceptance and was scared of what the new mentors would be like.

I eventually realized that I couldn't spend my summer wanting to be with l4d. If I truly wanted to have a good time, I needed to forget about her, and get to know these new mentors. And I know that's a strong statement, to forget about her, but really what I mean is I needed to focus on these new mentors. Obviously if I'm going to get a chance to be with l4d, I'm going to take it because I barely see her at all. But, when I'm with the mentors, I be with the mentors. And I really get to know them.

Basically, this year is different. It's not like the mentors are my second choice to l4d. Quite the opposite now actually. Because I've decided to start focusing on them, I'm starting to really really like them. To where I really like being with them. We're developing our own inside jokes, having fun together, talking with each other. I actually WANT to be with them. And when I see l4d, I'm excited to see her too. :) But I'm not as upset as I was about not being with her. That has been replaced with actual excitement to be with these mentors instead. :)

But also. I am excited to stay over night, because that does mean I see l4d more. :) Just because I'm loving these mentors doesn't mean I'm not excited when I get to see her. It's actually been the opposite. Because I've kind of forgotten about her and that she's there, and started hanging out with the mentors, when I do see her, it's so much awesomer. Even if I'm not talking to her, just seeing her puttering around, doing her job, it makes me happy to know I have her here with me. Because I do love the freakin crap outta her. :)

Mhmm, so yea. I LOVE YOU SAGE, PEZ, BOATCRASH, GILLIGAN, CABANA, SCUBA, AND L4D! Sambica 2011, you're becoming my best friend. <3

In Him,
Maddie Rose