Dear World,
I am so stressed out right now. I don't know what to do, there's so much going on, my head is spinning and i want to drop everyone and everything and lie in my room, on my back staring at the ceiling. There are a lot of things going on that i have to deal with and a lot of people who are there for me. It's not stressing me out that they're there for me. Not at all, I'm so happy that they are adament about helping. But it's many people. A good 12. I love them all so much and i don't want to hold out on them, so i have to constantly be re-living things to people. It's good for me to hear things from different people's point of view, but sometimes, one person is enough.
School is completely flipping me out. I'm doing very poorly and it is really depressing me. I've always been a good A student, and failing assignment after assignment is REALLY stressing me out. I don't understand half of what i'm doing and am having a mental, over-load, brake down every other week. I'm pushing through, and getting most of what i have to do, done, but only by scraping C's and D's. It's extremely frustrating and all the emotional stress is NOT helping with things out-side of school.
I feel like God is completely apart of another life. My night time life when I'm reading my Bible. Not when I'm about to rip my hair out because of school, a dis-functional band, and family problems. I don't feel like I'm faking the whole religion. Not at all. I had never actually read the Bible before this summer, and now I read it every other day. But I'm having trouble asking God to take control of my day and guide it in His way. I feel so much closer to God than I ever have before in my life.... but it's not enough. I want to be closer. I want to feel Him next to me every minute of every day. Not just those nights when I pull out my Bible. Though, granted, it might be more when I'm focused completely on Him. But I want more than what I have right now.
I'm so stressed right now, it's not even expressable. Blogging is a good outlet for me. To be able to get it all out. Anyway, goodnight!
In Him,
Maddie
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
My name is Maddie
Dear World,
Hi, my name is Maddie. I love Jesus and the stripes on racoons. I think glassy rocks or cool and I'm scared of fish and Disneyland rides. I like to go to the grocerie store and spin around and around in the fruit section and watch the colors go wizzing bye. I think lensless glasses are amazing and if you want to be my favorite person in the whole wide world, send me a letter.
I'm usually very seriuos, but when in the company of friends and my sambica awesome people, I'm very silly and weird. I like making people laugh, even though I'm not that funny. I'm terrible at keeping a straight face in a staring contest, but I'll kill you in a laughing contest.
I'll die for my family, under any circumstances. I don't get along well with my sisters, even though i love them very much. At the end of the day, we each have each other. I love my older sister, Kayla, to the end of the world. She's the greatest roll model in the world. My little sister Sydni is pretty cool too. I enjoy watching her grow up, and I'm excited to see what she'll end up being in life. My Mommy is incredible and can do anything. God adds hours to the day for her. She's amazing. I love her!
My friends are everything to me. I want to fill as much of my time and life with being with them. If one of my friends are hurting, I drop everything for them. If there is a person in particular who purposefully hurt them, then I will do everything i can to make their life hell. I love to give advice and be a witness for Jesus and help my friends in their own Christian lives, but I can't deal well with my own personal conflicts and problems. But that's where my friends come in. They are the best. They help me so much by showing me what's going on in their lives and what they did about it.
My mentors mean most to me. (apart from family) After all, they're the ones who have helped and are helping me most in everything i'm dealing with. Of course, I turn to them first. None of them actually know each other. Over the course of the past 3 years, I've acquired about 5 mentors. 7 years if you're counting one in particularly who's been with me since I was 8. All of them help in things only the one ever could. I love them the most.
I'm obsessed with bubblegum and have at least 3 packs in my room at a time. You can never find me without it. My life revolves around music. I've been playing the piano for 9 years and the guitar for 2 days. I'm playing guitar and singing on the youth worship team. I write, play, sing, and arrange music. It's my favorite thing.
I can't say enough that I love Jesus! I'm not concerned with all the little nick-nacky things of the religion, I only live my life for Jesus and love unconditionally and act as a witness for Him. I'd rather be talking about God and our Christian lives with a friend, or anyone, than anything else. Nothing makes me more happy than to think that there is one person who will always love me no matter what I do... Jesus!
I'm truly terrified of one thing and it's the un-knowing of what is coming and what is going to happen. The panicked state your in when you're fearful for yourself, family, friends.. the unknown. I'm terrified of that feeling. Second to that is the thought of living forever when I go to Heaven. I'm truly terrified of living forever and ever, but I love God, and I trust Him, so, doesn't that mean that He'll take care of me and I have nothing to fear? Doesn't matter, I'm still terrified.
That's me. Who're you?
In Him,
Maddie
Hi, my name is Maddie. I love Jesus and the stripes on racoons. I think glassy rocks or cool and I'm scared of fish and Disneyland rides. I like to go to the grocerie store and spin around and around in the fruit section and watch the colors go wizzing bye. I think lensless glasses are amazing and if you want to be my favorite person in the whole wide world, send me a letter.
I'm usually very seriuos, but when in the company of friends and my sambica awesome people, I'm very silly and weird. I like making people laugh, even though I'm not that funny. I'm terrible at keeping a straight face in a staring contest, but I'll kill you in a laughing contest.
I'll die for my family, under any circumstances. I don't get along well with my sisters, even though i love them very much. At the end of the day, we each have each other. I love my older sister, Kayla, to the end of the world. She's the greatest roll model in the world. My little sister Sydni is pretty cool too. I enjoy watching her grow up, and I'm excited to see what she'll end up being in life. My Mommy is incredible and can do anything. God adds hours to the day for her. She's amazing. I love her!
My friends are everything to me. I want to fill as much of my time and life with being with them. If one of my friends are hurting, I drop everything for them. If there is a person in particular who purposefully hurt them, then I will do everything i can to make their life hell. I love to give advice and be a witness for Jesus and help my friends in their own Christian lives, but I can't deal well with my own personal conflicts and problems. But that's where my friends come in. They are the best. They help me so much by showing me what's going on in their lives and what they did about it.
My mentors mean most to me. (apart from family) After all, they're the ones who have helped and are helping me most in everything i'm dealing with. Of course, I turn to them first. None of them actually know each other. Over the course of the past 3 years, I've acquired about 5 mentors. 7 years if you're counting one in particularly who's been with me since I was 8. All of them help in things only the one ever could. I love them the most.
I'm obsessed with bubblegum and have at least 3 packs in my room at a time. You can never find me without it. My life revolves around music. I've been playing the piano for 9 years and the guitar for 2 days. I'm playing guitar and singing on the youth worship team. I write, play, sing, and arrange music. It's my favorite thing.
I can't say enough that I love Jesus! I'm not concerned with all the little nick-nacky things of the religion, I only live my life for Jesus and love unconditionally and act as a witness for Him. I'd rather be talking about God and our Christian lives with a friend, or anyone, than anything else. Nothing makes me more happy than to think that there is one person who will always love me no matter what I do... Jesus!
I'm truly terrified of one thing and it's the un-knowing of what is coming and what is going to happen. The panicked state your in when you're fearful for yourself, family, friends.. the unknown. I'm terrified of that feeling. Second to that is the thought of living forever when I go to Heaven. I'm truly terrified of living forever and ever, but I love God, and I trust Him, so, doesn't that mean that He'll take care of me and I have nothing to fear? Doesn't matter, I'm still terrified.
That's me. Who're you?
In Him,
Maddie
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friends
Dear World,
My wonderful, wonderful, friend Delaney Aydel gave me an idea on what i should write on my next blog post. She only just gave me this idea about 5 minutes ago and i would like to write my post before i forget what I've thought about. (Forgive me if this seems kinda scattered. I'm on the phone with Delaney at the moment, listening to her rant about her frustration on downloading programs. Quite funny, but slightly distracting.)
Friends. Well, there are different classifications about friends. There are, of course, friends. Then there are best friends, ok friends, good friends, really good friends, the i'll trust this friend with my life friend, the i love you friend but is only just a friend and is basically like a brother/sister friend, and, of course, the i love you friend but i'm too shy to tell you that i really love you so I'll just pretend that i don't friend.
I'm not going to talk about different types of friends. I was just pointing something out. lol. You know how you are supposed to have God in your relationship with your husband? It's just as equally imoportant for you to have god in your friends. But you can't pick and choose your friends based on if they're Christian or not to find god in the friendship. Well, you can pick or choose your friends based on if they're Christian, but only a few show God through it. Let me give you a couple examples.
Take Delaney for instance. Out of the 5 weeks I was at SAMBICA I only saw her for 2 and yet i got the closest to her. Why? Because throughout the 2 weeks we were together we constantly were showing Jesus to each other through ourselves. We were the teen models of what it's like to follow Jesus and we were always there for each other and God was constantly revealing God to each other through ourselves. Last day, she was the first one by my side when I completely broke down in pain and misery. She didn't have to understand, she didn't know the half of it, but she knew that what was wrong was serious and she didn't ask questions. Just, held me and let me cry on her shoulder. Since then, I've talked to her most out of the people at SAMBICA and we keep learning more and more about each other and God keeps showing himself to us through each other.
Another example. Sarai Dominguez. Delaney jokes with me often that I menchen her in almost every post. Maybe some of you (maybe family and church people) know her as Pluto in my blog. She was a mentor from camp. There's something different between a mentor and a councilor. A councilor... well, you really only see them for a week. Well, not even. More like 6 days. But when you're with them you're always going from activity to activity and everything is crazy crazy crazy, fun all the time. But a mentor, you're with them for 3 weeks. Sometimes, 24/7, based on the program. You're basically with them all the time. Either working or hanging out. 3 weeks is a long time. You tend to see the worst, best, and most broken state you could be in in the other ELITEs. Pluto saw, THE WORST of me, the beeest of me, and the most broken state I've ever been in. I talked to Pluto almost every day. After I was crying on Delaney's shoulder on the last day, I was crying on Pluto's. For some reason me and Pluto got really close. I remember random things from the many talks we had. Like that she knew my kids were gonna grow up to be preachers, and that she predicts I'm going to be an ELITE mentor, and that she's gonna stalk and call me everyday to remind me to read my bible. She's not a stalker, that's for sure. The one thing that makes me love Pluto so much is I've never been able to fool her with walls or disguises or anything else I use to try and block people out from knowing the real me. She saw through that immediately. Which is what I love about her. It's what made her advice to me always so helpful. And what made God work in our relationship. Her strange gift of X-Ray vision is what has made us so close.
When God shows through in how he works in a relationship with a friend, you know it's special. You may both be Christian, but that doesn't mean you work well together as friends. Your friends shape who you are and you need to hold those select few as close as possible. Because they will have the biggest impact on your life. And if you don't have those select few yet, you will. If you open up to it and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Also....notice how my description of Pluto and I's relationship was 3x as long as Delaney's and I's? haha. I don't love Pluto more, just had more to say about her. I love the crap outta Delaney though. haha
In Him,
Maddie
My wonderful, wonderful, friend Delaney Aydel gave me an idea on what i should write on my next blog post. She only just gave me this idea about 5 minutes ago and i would like to write my post before i forget what I've thought about. (Forgive me if this seems kinda scattered. I'm on the phone with Delaney at the moment, listening to her rant about her frustration on downloading programs. Quite funny, but slightly distracting.)
Friends. Well, there are different classifications about friends. There are, of course, friends. Then there are best friends, ok friends, good friends, really good friends, the i'll trust this friend with my life friend, the i love you friend but is only just a friend and is basically like a brother/sister friend, and, of course, the i love you friend but i'm too shy to tell you that i really love you so I'll just pretend that i don't friend.
I'm not going to talk about different types of friends. I was just pointing something out. lol. You know how you are supposed to have God in your relationship with your husband? It's just as equally imoportant for you to have god in your friends. But you can't pick and choose your friends based on if they're Christian or not to find god in the friendship. Well, you can pick or choose your friends based on if they're Christian, but only a few show God through it. Let me give you a couple examples.
Take Delaney for instance. Out of the 5 weeks I was at SAMBICA I only saw her for 2 and yet i got the closest to her. Why? Because throughout the 2 weeks we were together we constantly were showing Jesus to each other through ourselves. We were the teen models of what it's like to follow Jesus and we were always there for each other and God was constantly revealing God to each other through ourselves. Last day, she was the first one by my side when I completely broke down in pain and misery. She didn't have to understand, she didn't know the half of it, but she knew that what was wrong was serious and she didn't ask questions. Just, held me and let me cry on her shoulder. Since then, I've talked to her most out of the people at SAMBICA and we keep learning more and more about each other and God keeps showing himself to us through each other.
Another example. Sarai Dominguez. Delaney jokes with me often that I menchen her in almost every post. Maybe some of you (maybe family and church people) know her as Pluto in my blog. She was a mentor from camp. There's something different between a mentor and a councilor. A councilor... well, you really only see them for a week. Well, not even. More like 6 days. But when you're with them you're always going from activity to activity and everything is crazy crazy crazy, fun all the time. But a mentor, you're with them for 3 weeks. Sometimes, 24/7, based on the program. You're basically with them all the time. Either working or hanging out. 3 weeks is a long time. You tend to see the worst, best, and most broken state you could be in in the other ELITEs. Pluto saw, THE WORST of me, the beeest of me, and the most broken state I've ever been in. I talked to Pluto almost every day. After I was crying on Delaney's shoulder on the last day, I was crying on Pluto's. For some reason me and Pluto got really close. I remember random things from the many talks we had. Like that she knew my kids were gonna grow up to be preachers, and that she predicts I'm going to be an ELITE mentor, and that she's gonna stalk and call me everyday to remind me to read my bible. She's not a stalker, that's for sure. The one thing that makes me love Pluto so much is I've never been able to fool her with walls or disguises or anything else I use to try and block people out from knowing the real me. She saw through that immediately. Which is what I love about her. It's what made her advice to me always so helpful. And what made God work in our relationship. Her strange gift of X-Ray vision is what has made us so close.
When God shows through in how he works in a relationship with a friend, you know it's special. You may both be Christian, but that doesn't mean you work well together as friends. Your friends shape who you are and you need to hold those select few as close as possible. Because they will have the biggest impact on your life. And if you don't have those select few yet, you will. If you open up to it and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Also....notice how my description of Pluto and I's relationship was 3x as long as Delaney's and I's? haha. I don't love Pluto more, just had more to say about her. I love the crap outta Delaney though. haha
In Him,
Maddie
Saturday, September 11, 2010
The Christian Life
Dear World,
It's been a while since I last posted on here. Sorry! I really like blogging, but I've been very busy with school. I started about 3 weeks ago, which, i guess is when I last posted on here.
You know what I feel is funny in the light of Christianity? Religion. You know, Christianity isn't a religion. It's a way of life. Once you choose to take this path, it changes your life forever. You are held accountable and nothing is ever the same.You can't just get away with your usual crap. You don't just feel guilty. You feel sorry. You want to change. Life isn't the same when you're a Christian. God will catch up to you eventually. It can't just be in the category of religion. It has to be something bigger. It's like, Life or The Christian Life. It's one of the two.
Glad I chose the right path.
In Him,
Maddie
It's been a while since I last posted on here. Sorry! I really like blogging, but I've been very busy with school. I started about 3 weeks ago, which, i guess is when I last posted on here.
You know what I feel is funny in the light of Christianity? Religion. You know, Christianity isn't a religion. It's a way of life. Once you choose to take this path, it changes your life forever. You are held accountable and nothing is ever the same.You can't just get away with your usual crap. You don't just feel guilty. You feel sorry. You want to change. Life isn't the same when you're a Christian. God will catch up to you eventually. It can't just be in the category of religion. It has to be something bigger. It's like, Life or The Christian Life. It's one of the two.
Glad I chose the right path.
In Him,
Maddie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)