Completely Melting Under Stress

Dear World,

I am so stressed out right now. I don't know what to do, there's so much going on, my head is spinning and i want to drop everyone and everything and lie in my room, on my back staring at the ceiling. There are a lot of things going on that i have to deal with and a lot of people who are there for me. It's not stressing me out that they're there for me. Not at all, I'm so happy that they are adament about helping. But it's many people. A good 12. I love them all so much and i don't want to hold out on them, so i have to constantly be re-living things to people. It's good for me to hear things from different people's point of view, but sometimes, one person is enough.

School is completely flipping me out. I'm doing very poorly and it is really depressing me. I've always been a good A student, and failing assignment after assignment is REALLY stressing me out. I don't understand half of what i'm doing and am having a mental, over-load, brake down every other week. I'm pushing through, and getting most of what i have to do, done, but only by scraping C's and D's. It's extremely frustrating and all the emotional stress is NOT helping with things out-side of school.

I feel like God is completely apart of another life. My night time life when I'm reading my Bible. Not when I'm about to rip my hair out because of school, a dis-functional band, and family problems. I don't feel like I'm faking the whole religion. Not at all. I had never actually read the Bible before this summer, and now I read it every other day. But I'm having trouble asking God to take control of my day and guide it in His way. I feel so much closer to God than I ever have before in my life.... but it's not enough. I want to be closer. I want to feel Him next to me every minute of every day. Not just those nights when I pull out my Bible. Though, granted, it might be more when I'm focused completely on Him. But I want more than what I have right now.

I'm so stressed right now, it's not even expressable. Blogging is a good outlet for me. To be able to get it all out. Anyway, goodnight!

In Him,
Maddie