Washington vs. California

Dear World,

Washington has become my absolute favorite place to be. But through being here, I've learned the significance of the phrase too much of a good thing, can be a bad thing.

I've only been here twice since my fantastic summer. My first time was about 3 weeks ago for the SAMBICA thing called Refuge. This time, I've been here for about 11 days, housesitting for our cousins who were in Hawaii. On this trip, I tried to keep it pretty family centered. If I had really tried to see a lot of people, then I probably would have been gone every day. But while being here I only spent, Tuesday night with my friend Jessica, Saturday with Kasey and Pluto,  a party at my aunt and uncle's house on Sunday with some ELITE friends, and then the Bible Study Mondey night at SAMBICA camp with Liz aka Happy Feet. I love being here soo much, but also, I love my other home, back in Cali as well. I can't help but deeply miss my friends there...

Two of my closest friends from home, Codi and Courtney, have been the ones on my mind the most. I miss them a lot. I see Codi about 2 times a week and Courtney only once, but I can't ask for more, because I'm home-schooled. One of my most desperately prayed prayers from the summer were answered over the past couple weeks. I started finding friends who were not un-like the ones from camp. Extremely set upon their faith. Working everyday to do things for God. and Mind you, these are teenagers. Codi, Courtney, and my new close friend, Tyler. It's a small group. Incomparable to the two dozen people from the summer. But our friendships are in little, to no danger of being broken apart. That's why I love these specific people so much. Hopefully, my group of special, close friends, will grow. Not to a drastic size. But a trusting group of friends. Ones at my California home that I can truly trust with anything.

I think the reason I don't just have 1 best friend (not that I have maannnyyy best friends) if because I opporate in groups. Maybe not collectively, together, groups. But groups none the less. I put my trust in specific people's hands. Not just one. If one person flakes out, or disappoints me, I have others behind me. I've seen it many times with other close friends. Their "best friend" treats them like crap, and they don't have anyone to fall back on. (that's how I've gotten close to a couple of my friends) Other friends have done it to me. And the only reason I don't shut down is because I have other close friends who hold me up.

I'm so greatful that the Lord is answering my prayer for "SAMBICA like" friends at home. It's making me start to really miss my home when I leave.

but...

Don't take that to mean that I've gotten over Washington. Dear me, no. That's not what it means at all. I still love Washington greeaatly. And my wish for trips back up here has not faltered. :)

In Him,
Maddie

My Name

Dear World,

Most people don't know it, but my name is Madison Rose Chaney. I have always introduced myself as Maddie Rose. Rarely people learn of my full name, and when they do, I'm hounded with questions as to why I don't introduce myself with that name. After all, it is very pretty. I know it is. Madison Rose is a very pretty name. My friend's mom has always called me that, and she is the only person that i allow to call me that. It was my great grandmother's name. But I always feel as though it's extremely common. I know sooo many Madisons, and have met EVEN MORE. I don't sign, write, or put my name down on applications as my full name because I don't want people calling my by it.

I don't hate my name. But it's my choice to go by Maddie Rose. Deal with it.

In Him,
Maddie

Best Friends

Dear World,

I have a numerous amount of friends. More than i care to count. Go to my facebook and look at my friends list, then double that. I have a lot of friends. I would estimate that if i divided the number of facebook friends that i have by 3, then that would give you approximately the number if friends i hang out with. Divide that number by two and that would give you the number of people i actually genuinely care about and try to keep up with. divide that by about 5 and that will give you about the number of people who genuinely care about me.

So, facebook friends rounded=300
Friends i hang out with=100
People i care about=50
People who care about me=10

Out of these hundreds of people, I do find myself more closer to some rather than others, but I, however, do not have a "best friend." I do believe that i will, someday, have a best friend, but i don't right now. My friend Courtney Harrison is about as close as a best friend, but not really. There are a few people from SAMBICA that I would love to call my best friend, but it makes it hard when we live on opposite sides of the country. I love, love, love my friends. But, I just don't feel like i have a best friend.

Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt.  

She understood my wonders,

And listened to my dreams. 

She listened to how I felt about life and love,

And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long

I reached out to this friend
To show her that i care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there

I don't have a friend like this. I'm not sad about it. I look forward to the day that there is that one person who i know is going to always and forever be there for me, and be at my house in about ten seconds if i need her. But I don't have that person right now, and to be honest, i wish i did. Because I could really use them. But I'm ok about it. I know the Lord is holding out on me for someone awesome. He brings people in and out of my life, but I know there's that one person that He's waiting for me to meet that I'll be closer to than fingers and a keyboard. ;)

In Him,

Maddie

Too Much

Dear World,

I’ve been having one of the worst days of my life. I slept in, and I’ve been absolutely exhausted all day because crying really makes you tired. There’s a sinking, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that has to do with worry, sadness, and complete incapability to operate properly. I keep bursting into tears at random times. It's overwhelming. Tonight I have to go and deal with a ton of uncooperative band members, and try and make them realize that WE ARE WORKING OUR FLIPPIN BUTTS OFF AND THEIR NOT DOING A DAMN THING! If I could just collapse on my bed and become a shell to existence, I would have no objections what so ever. Can someone please just hug me and not ask questions as to why I can barely breath from constant sobbing? One good thing from today, my soul sister is at book study tonight, and she doesn’t need to understand. I can just cry and she wouldn’t say anything till I told her I was ready to find an answer.

I hate being a teenager...

Maddie

Finally Home

Dear World,

This weekend I've taken a trip to Washington to visit some elites and go to REFUGE on Sunday. (an elite worship and hang time in the evening)

So here's what's happening this weekend. I got picked up from the airport by Brooke McPherson, aka, awesomest driver IN THE WORLD! Never fails to get us from point A to point B as easily as if she had the way mapped out in her head before hand. I'm chilling with my family, then going to lunch with the one, the only, PLUTO! Out of everything that's going on this weekend, I'm mostly excited to see her! Sunday morning I'm going to church with Jessica, then spending the whole rest of the day with Natalie Anderson, which will consist of a fashion show, deep conversations about life and what it means to live, and, of course, slug hunting in the backyard. Then, Natalie and I are going to REFUGE that evening where I'm going to see MOST of the ELITE's from the summer... All the ones that matter. ;D

I'm so excited for everything. I'm also really glad that I'm not feeling like I can only be close to God when I'm up here. It's not the case. At ALL! But I must say, I feel very much at home and comfy here. I can't express my love for this state and environment. I love it so much. I can't wait to be back up here again next month for thanksgiving. Me and the family are here for a whole week then!! :D

In Him,
Maddie