Jessica

Dear World,

Today, I thought I should write about a person individually, rather than a broad topic. I was scrolling through the people who have meant something to me in my life. There are many. Mostly SAMBICA mentors. But I've talked about them many times. Then I thought of Julia and Sally.. Eh, they are amazing, but they still aren't the right ones. Who is it I'm trying to think of. Then I remembered. La dur. Jessica Nguyen. Who has meant more and changed more of my life than her? Uum... no one.

I met Jessica at SAMBICA 2 years ago. I think I was 12. I was just a camper. I didn't come back the next summer, but I kept in contact with Jessica. She lives in Washington so I rarely see her except for Thanksgiving when I go back up there to see my family. There's been a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but we are very close. I've wronged her many times, but she never ceases to forgive me. She came to visit me in January for MLK weekend. It was just sorta a chill weekend, but it was awesome to get to see her in a different environment. I've really only ever seen her in her car... Driving me around. I was speaking with her on the phone the other day (one of the rare times) and was thinking about how different we are. She is insanely analytical, and I'm insanely not. I'm an artsy person. Though I do over think things, I tend to just let them go if they get too complicated for me. Often times when I talked to Jessica I would get so confused because she just goes off on sooo many different thoughts. But she's so loving and caring that I don't think I could get rid of her if I tried. And oddly enough, I've tried... and failed... several times. But she also reminded me, on the phone, that we are also very much alike. I kinda fail in seeing those ways in an obvious point of view. Though I do know we are extremely alike.
Jessica... Well, she's an extremely beautiful woman. And I'm not just talking about her physical appearance, even though she's drop dead gorgeous. She has such a beautiful heart. She trusts God with her life, and gives everything up to Him. I'm amazed by her, because she is so incredible. Even though she isn't perfect, which she tells me often.

I love Jessica like a sister. There's nothing I wouldn't tell her. I'd trust her with anything. I hope she trusts me. Even if not, I love her very much. And she means a lot to me.

I love you Jessica! Thank you for eeeverything!

In Him,
Maddie

To wrap up the summer...

Dear World,

Today was my first day of school. But I'm going to write this post as if it were yesterday. ok? ok.

Today is the last day of summer. I'm closing a lot today. A lot happened this summer. Yesterday, Saturday, I wanted to do something special to close off my summer. But I really wasn't sure. So I decided to just play it by ear. I went to church this morning and it was pretty good. But the thing that made it one of the best days of my life was when this older gentlemen, His name is Gary, came up to me and told me that he had a message from God! A message from God? What? That doesn't happen to people like me! That happens to people like l4d from camp! And Pluto. The women who's lives are completely and 100% devoted to God! Who have been through so much, and have come out on top with Jesus on their side! The women who mentored and are mentoring me through one of the toughest times of my life! This happens to women like them! Who are mature in their faith, and understand it better than me! Well, this time, I guess not. It's me. Maddie Rose Chaney. 15 years old, and taking my faith seriously for a total of 7 weeks. So, Gary leaned close to me and said into my ear so only I could hear and talked to me as if He were God himself delivering the message, "I know your feelings seem overlooked with everything that's going on, but they are not to me. I love more than you could ever know." WOAH!

I don't think I can elaborate much more about how extraordinary this was. But let me move on. After I left the main sanctuary, I went over to the youth room to hang with my buds. But something was pulling at my heart strings. What was it? I thought deeper, then knew. The wife of the pastor at our church! Her name is Mary, and she is one of the most extraordinary people I've ever met. But she wasn't singing today. She was sad. There was a lot going on in her life right now. But why? Why are you putting her on my heart God? Surely there isn't anything that I could do. Is there? Yes! Be myself! Give her a hug. Maybe, try to make her smile. Let her know that she is loved. It isn't much. It won't change how God is working in her life, or how much it might hurt her, but I've always felt that it was the little things like that that help people the most. I know they are for me. When someone walks by me and grabs my shoulder turns there head around for a moment and smiles at me always makes me the most happy. Small gestures like that. So i did, I sought her out, and found her in about 20 seconds. (she was standing in the hallway)I talked to her for a minute, I kinda failed in letting her know that she was loved, but I did act like myself and everything.

All in all, this is the absolute best way I could have ever asked to end my summer. I'm going to miss it, but I'm going to go into the year that's ahead with what happened this summer as a reference. I'll never forget it and how the Lord has worked in my life and brought incredible people like l4d and Pluto into my life. But I'm also not going to look back, miserable because I can't live in what happened this summer for the rest of my life. I don't necessarily have to be excited about what's coming, but God has used SAMBICA and l4d and Pluto and the mentors and the amazing ELITEs like Lizzy Rolf and Delaney Adel and Spencer Turner to prepare me for what's coming. I can make it through anything.

God is with me. He's right there. He wants me, and I want Him! I have several people that I've met this summer that I know are more than willing to talk to me about absolutely anything. If I need to scream and yell and vent, they'll listen, and if I need to cry and ball and brake down, they'll comfort, and if I'm lost and don't know what to do, they'll point me to Jesus and remind me that He is the only way and show me how much I've made it through already. I love them all. Words can't describe how much you all have helped me and how much you all mean to me. You truly have no idea how much God has used you all in my life. You are forever apart of it.

Thank you God for everything you've given me, and the chance you gave me to go to SAMBICA this summer. Thank you for the people you've brought into my life, like the ones I've said here, thank you for revealing yourself to me this summer and really telling me how much you love me and how you will be there to take care of me. I will be OBSESSED with you Lord. You have shown me what it's like to lean on you, and now I will fall on you. I love you God!! Thank you so much for this summer!

In Him,
Maddie

Fear

Dear World,

I often struggle in figuring out what I'm scared of. Like, legitimately scared of happening. Not someone jumping out of a dark corner screaming. I know I'm scared of, like, someone in my family dying, but seriously, who isn't scared of that. I try, and try, to find a weakness. One small flaw in my seemingly strong wall that blocks out all fear. And, I think I've found it.

I think I'm scared of being scared. You know, that feeling where you're heart starts pounding really fast, your face gets hot, you're worried about what will happen because you have no idea. I hate that feeling. It is, what I'm scared of. Well, maybe not scared of. More like, I'm waiting, apprehensively, for it to come. Because I know there are moments in our lives where that happens. I know, I've had them. And, I don't know under what circumstances that that feeling will come. Which makes me even more scared...

oh, and I'm scared of red ants.

In Him,
Maddie

Different People

Dear World,

Today, I want to talk about... different people. What's the difference between different and normal? Is there even normal anymore? When comparing one person to the other, yes were different in personality, looks, maturity, style, likes, dislikes... things like that. When you get into an argument with someone, sometimes, no one could necessarily even be at fault, because the situation was been viewed by two, completely different points of view. It's impossible to say, I understand you, because we DON'T! We are all SO different that even if we tried, there is no way on earth we could understand each other. Even when people are struggling with things. You can't even understand their struggles, because there could be so many different things relating to it that you wouldn't know exactly what is effecting them or how much of an impact it's having on their life. How much it's hurting them, changing them (and maybe not always for the better). There's no way of knowing.

Why do we judge people who are different in their weirdness? My friend, Jackie Leonard, is the WEIRDEST person you have ever met in your LIFE! and she's an adult! which makes here even "weirder". If you don't love her weirdness than you wouldn't have been able to find out that she is one of the most compassionate, loving people you've ever met. And she is hugely accepting. And you know what the awesome thing is? She does not CARE if people like her or not! Why do we have to be so judge mental of the way that people are. I mean, if someone had thought that Jackie was crazy, and off the bat, didn't want to get to know her just by a first impression, they could have never found out how much of an amazing person she is!

We're all a little weird, some more than others. We should feel comfortable with it, AND be comfortable with other people's weirdness. It's who they ARE, and they ARE that way for a reason. I love looking at one of my friends and then comparing them to another and looking at just how DIFFERENT they are! It's crazy! But I still love them both because they are both individual!! If they were the same, then where would the fun in that be? If everyone was the same, life would be boring. And I know that people say that a lot. "if the world was filled with a bunch of copy cats, then it would be soooo boring." But seriously. Pick one person you know, and imagine EVERYONE IN THE WORLD INCLUDING YOURSELF being EXACTLY like that one friend!

Thank GOD were different! Oh my goodness, how grateful I am that we are all not alike! Ah, I think I would go crazy if I had a million of just ONE of my friends!

...goodness.

In Him,
Maddie

Good People

Dear World,
I am so thankful for people in my life who keep in reminding me of God's love for me. It's a very important thing to have as a part in your life. Good, Christian friends who are willing to smack you when you're not making the right decisions. I'm glad for those people.
In my life, those people are-
Linda Romero
Sarai Dominguez
Dawn Bailey
Jessica Nguyen
Delaney Adel
Chelsea Lidstrom
Krista Guenther
Lizzy Rolf
Spencer Turner
Courtney Harrison
Melissa Ramont

We all need good Christian friends. They'll keep you in line ;P I love mine. Each and every one of them. All are loved a lot, but all in a different way for the different things they have each done for me. I Love you Guys!

In Him,
Maddie

Lost

Dear World,

I am Lost. I'm spinning in circles, confused by these many different situations, feelings, emotions, circumstances, and trials. I feel as though I'm in a dark room, with words and flashes of past events jumping at me out of the darkness. I'm lost in my thinking and feeling. What I think is not relevant. There is too much. Too much around. Too much to do. To deal with. I'm spinning and spinning... what is all this. I can't even tell anymore. Was that love or judge? Wait or hate? I don't even know anymore. What do I do? Am I supposed to ask that? Where do I go? I'm so confused. There's no one here! HELP!

What is that? I don't know. I'm to confused to tell. Who is that? It's so dark here, but that person is bright. Their shinning. The room is spinning. I can't focus on them. What are they doing? Their picking me up off the ground? What? Their hugging me? Their so warm. I don't remember... why... I was, scared. Was I scared? no. confused? I think. I don't know. I don't want to remember. I just want to stay here. With this person. I feel safe. What did they say? I'm... not sure. Wait, they said it again. "I'll always be here. I always was. But you called out to me, and now you are aware of my presence." I... don't know. How do I respond? Do I respond? Do I just stand here, and let this man keep hugging me? I don't want to let go. "You don't have to let go. I'll always be here." You'll never leave me? Why weren't you here before? "I was here! I always was here! You just didn't know it. And now you do. Which is what makes all the difference..."

"I love you!"

In Him,
Maddie

He gives and Takes away??

Dear World,

He gives and takes away... he gives, and TAKES away.

None of this is my words. Sometimes, I just need to listen. And this is what I heard when I was IMing a friend that I met at SAMBICA. Her name is Delaney Aydel. We were talking about my last blog post, and the song, Blessed be Your Name.

"I was actually just thinking about that same topic last night when I was reading my bible

The song comes in part from the book of Job. I was reading the verses that are in it.

I was thinking, and it just kind of hit me that yeah, God takes away, but it's His to take away. He blessed us with so much. I think the thing to remember is that things can ALWAYS be worse, so we need to just remember all the things we have, no matter how small, because every one of them is a blessing, so we should praise God no matter what. We can survive on so little that every tiny luxury we have is such a gift."

There's not much left for me to say about that. Delaney basically said it. =) The world needs more people like Delaney. She yearns to be with God, and lives out what she says she is going to do. I'm so happy I met her because it shows me that I truly need more people like her in my life.

I'm struggling, still, but it totally caught me off guard that this had been going through her head too. When I talk to Delaney, I want to be close to God too, because she already is multiple steps further than me. It was encouraging. Now, I will continue to be encouraged when I heard Blessed be Your Name and think of Pluto, and that line, and what it means... but, like I said, and you all have read, it will be hard. But now, I'm trying even harder.

Thanks Delaney Honey! Keep walking in your faith. It's been a blessing to know and talk to you!

In Him!
Maddie

He Gives and Takes Away

Dear World,

Today was my first time back to church since I left 7 weeks ago for SAMBICA. I have not wanted to be home. I've wanted so much to be back at camp with l4d, and pluto, and dodge, and tiger... Camp was a world away. It was a safe place, and there, nothing could hurt me. God was real, God was there, God loved me and held me on a pedestal as his wonderful creation. Here at home, nothing is the same. I miss camp so much, I feel like it has been taken away from me. Like it was one of those perfect, wonderful things and the only thing you hate is that you can no longer be there. And there is literally, no going back. It's 2 states away.

I miss the mentors insanely. I hate writing this because it makes me miss the one I'll be talking about soo much more. When I was at camp, I had a conversation with Pluto about things that were going on at home. I don't remember exactly what I said to her, but somewhere along the way she brought up the song Blessed be Your Name and the part where it goes He gives and takes away. She brought it up because sometimes it's hard to sing that He gives, and He takes away, because singing it, means you believe it, and to believe it means you have faith that God will fill the hole left by what was taken away.

Today, at church, the very first song we sang in worship was that one. As soon as I heard the chords for it, even before the words, I thought of her, and what she said. "He gives and takes away". Then i thought, how does that apply to my life right now? Well, it's obvious. He's taken away SAMBICA. He's taken away the security that it provides. Right when worship was over, during church, even before the pastor started speaking, I texted Pluto, in kind of a silly way saying, 'guess what the very first song was we sang in church today?' A moment later, her reply was 'BLESSED BE YOUR NAME??? aaah! God is so good!!'

...

I wasn't sure how to reply. I just sent a smiley, but 'God is so good?' I wasn't sure if I believed that. I've only been able to fill in the "He takes away" part. Not the "He gives" part.
He takes away--
the unity of my family
the safety of my camp
the immediate support of my friends
the feeling of being able to talk to a mentor whenever I need it

These 4 things are huge. How do I fill the gaping whole they've left in my life?

I DON'T KNOW!!