Dear World,
God is helping me find me. I was, and have been, so lost in the knowledge of who I am. Mostly in how it relates to where I am at. So much of my heart and life lives in California. It walks the streets I've known since birth, it belongs individually to each person I've grown close to amongst my church family, and it dwells comfortably in the flowing hills of Palm Springs that are so near and dear to everything I've know in my life. Palm Springs is so beautiful to me. Because it's my home, the rolling desert and sand, surrounded bye thousands of palm trees and towering mountains is the most beautiful sight to me. It means home. It means memories. It means somewhere I'm comfortable, know, and am not un-familiar.
Yet, through this last year, my heart is finding itself a new home. A home with many different trees, and not just palm trees. A home where clouds are frequent visitor and rain isn't un-familiar. Washington is capturing me. Not just with its dreary weather and never existing sun, but with its people. Its culture. Washington is so different from California. Standards are so different. In California, there are out of this world expectation to look, and be, a certain way. And yes, this exists in other places, such as Washington, as well, but it's never as intense as it is in California. In Washington, I see so many people who don't even care that they're wearing pajamas out in public. I try to be like this, but it's so hard when you have so many people judging you.
Not only that, but I have so many more opportunities to pursue things I'm interested in up in Washington. I don't have so many in Palm Springs. Washington is basically the homeschool capitol of the country. It's got its own thriving music industry. It's also overflowing with teenage opportunities. Un-like Palm Springs, which is basically a retirement area.
God is really showing me who I am between the person I feel I am in California, and the person I feel I am in Washington. I definitely feel like two different people. And as I've been finding myself, I've started being more comfortable with myself. I've always been confident with who I am at the time. But the thing is, it was always a modified version of me. Not who I really was. There were always other things effecting it. Whether it was sports, trends, places, or relationships, it was never me. It was always something else that was taking over my life. I was confident in it, and didn't care if people liked it or not, but it was never actually me, which is probably why I didn't care if they liked it. Because it wasn't actually me they were liking.
Sambica is helping me get in touch with who I really am. A teenage girl, with lots of plans for the future, a passion for music, and a pure love for Jesus. As long as I hold on to those things, I will never lose myself to anyone, or anything. Thank you Sambica. Will talk more tomorrow about exactly what happened this week.
In Him,
Maddie
God is helping me find me. I was, and have been, so lost in the knowledge of who I am. Mostly in how it relates to where I am at. So much of my heart and life lives in California. It walks the streets I've known since birth, it belongs individually to each person I've grown close to amongst my church family, and it dwells comfortably in the flowing hills of Palm Springs that are so near and dear to everything I've know in my life. Palm Springs is so beautiful to me. Because it's my home, the rolling desert and sand, surrounded bye thousands of palm trees and towering mountains is the most beautiful sight to me. It means home. It means memories. It means somewhere I'm comfortable, know, and am not un-familiar.
Yet, through this last year, my heart is finding itself a new home. A home with many different trees, and not just palm trees. A home where clouds are frequent visitor and rain isn't un-familiar. Washington is capturing me. Not just with its dreary weather and never existing sun, but with its people. Its culture. Washington is so different from California. Standards are so different. In California, there are out of this world expectation to look, and be, a certain way. And yes, this exists in other places, such as Washington, as well, but it's never as intense as it is in California. In Washington, I see so many people who don't even care that they're wearing pajamas out in public. I try to be like this, but it's so hard when you have so many people judging you.
Not only that, but I have so many more opportunities to pursue things I'm interested in up in Washington. I don't have so many in Palm Springs. Washington is basically the homeschool capitol of the country. It's got its own thriving music industry. It's also overflowing with teenage opportunities. Un-like Palm Springs, which is basically a retirement area.
God is really showing me who I am between the person I feel I am in California, and the person I feel I am in Washington. I definitely feel like two different people. And as I've been finding myself, I've started being more comfortable with myself. I've always been confident with who I am at the time. But the thing is, it was always a modified version of me. Not who I really was. There were always other things effecting it. Whether it was sports, trends, places, or relationships, it was never me. It was always something else that was taking over my life. I was confident in it, and didn't care if people liked it or not, but it was never actually me, which is probably why I didn't care if they liked it. Because it wasn't actually me they were liking.
Sambica is helping me get in touch with who I really am. A teenage girl, with lots of plans for the future, a passion for music, and a pure love for Jesus. As long as I hold on to those things, I will never lose myself to anyone, or anything. Thank you Sambica. Will talk more tomorrow about exactly what happened this week.
In Him,
Maddie
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