Dear World,
Ok. Does anyone even realize how much I love L4D? Like, I can't even explain it. I love her SO MUCH! (l4d is a mentor from last year, who has continued to be my mentor this whole year) This is just a little back story. A couple months before Sambica this year, I started to lose my excitement. There were different reasons why, but the main one being that I didn't want to have to detach myself from the people up here again. But, the only reason I ended up looking forward to it was that I'd get to see l4d again. I hadn't seen her since I left camp last year, and that alone was enough for me to be really excited for the summer.
I'm not going to go into too much detail, but seeing her again WAS amazing. It kind of filled a longing for what I was forced to push away last year. (what I mean there is I was living with one foot in both worlds. Sambica and California. It was too hard, so I had to stop pursuing Sambica people, and focus myself in California) But I really didn't need anyone else. Just seeing her told me that the summer was going to be fine. She was there. I didn't need to worry. It was going to be ok.
But of course, that didn't last. She isn't a mentor. She's our supervisor. So basically, I see her at meals and when she is rushing off to go somewhere, and maybe occasionally at water front, but not that often. It was really hard at first, because I didn't really have any mentors in California. All the ones I had truly trusted were from Sambica last year, and I was in a place of no acceptance and was scared of what the new mentors would be like.
I eventually realized that I couldn't spend my summer wanting to be with l4d. If I truly wanted to have a good time, I needed to forget about her, and get to know these new mentors. And I know that's a strong statement, to forget about her, but really what I mean is I needed to focus on these new mentors. Obviously if I'm going to get a chance to be with l4d, I'm going to take it because I barely see her at all. But, when I'm with the mentors, I be with the mentors. And I really get to know them.
Basically, this year is different. It's not like the mentors are my second choice to l4d. Quite the opposite now actually. Because I've decided to start focusing on them, I'm starting to really really like them. To where I really like being with them. We're developing our own inside jokes, having fun together, talking with each other. I actually WANT to be with them. And when I see l4d, I'm excited to see her too. :) But I'm not as upset as I was about not being with her. That has been replaced with actual excitement to be with these mentors instead. :)
But also. I am excited to stay over night, because that does mean I see l4d more. :) Just because I'm loving these mentors doesn't mean I'm not excited when I get to see her. It's actually been the opposite. Because I've kind of forgotten about her and that she's there, and started hanging out with the mentors, when I do see her, it's so much awesomer. Even if I'm not talking to her, just seeing her puttering around, doing her job, it makes me happy to know I have her here with me. Because I do love the freakin crap outta her. :)
Mhmm, so yea. I LOVE YOU SAGE, PEZ, BOATCRASH, GILLIGAN, CABANA, SCUBA, AND L4D! Sambica 2011, you're becoming my best friend. <3
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Mentors: Cool? or Lacking?
Dear World,
It's finally happening, prayers are being answered, and I'm starting to really really get excited. This is going to sound really bad and like a stupid thing to be excited about, but I'm starting to really enjoy camp again! And if you think about it, this is really only like my 7th day because I was gone all last week, so I missed out on a lot. I really feel like I just got here, because I was gone, so it feels like a fast change, when really, this is my 3rd week at camp.
The main thing to change and make it better has been the mentors. Aka, getting to know them better. First week I definitely wasn't closed off to them, but they did seriously scare me. Like, what are they going to be like, I wonder if they're anything like the mentors from last year (because obviously your going to have a subconscious standard that you really want them to meet and exceed, even if you know that that isn't the greatest thing in the world), I wonder if they'll like me, maybe they're not going to like me right away. And that one was definitely the worst.
I totally expected them not to like me. "She's just that girl with all the problems who can't handle herself and needs constant help." People have sort of labeled me as that this year and I was really scared that these new people would think that as well. Especially at Sambica, because that place seems to have some kind of protective bubble, where you can talk to anybody about anything your dealing with and it wouldn't leave the campus. So you tend to talk about yourself and your problems a lot.
And also, (off topic) the funniest thing, there was this one mentor that I was totally convinced did not like me at all. Her name is Scuba. I don't know what I miss-interpreted to make myself think that, but anyway. I was talking to her, this other mentor Pez, and this other one, Sage, was kind of just sitting on the tube in the playground, not really listening. I think I said something about how I'd been really nervous about them the first week, and all of a sudden, Scuba stops me and says, "Now I heard . . . that you had thought that I hated you . . ." And she said it in the funniest tone. It wasn't really like a joking thing, but almost as if she was accusing me like, how could I have possibly thought that. It was just really funny. And then I point over at Sage, who was sitting on the tube, not paying attention, and was like "YOU TOLD HER!?!?!?" It was just really funny. But anyway, I'm starting to connect with them a little bit, and I'm learning a lot about them.
I don't want to say that they've met the expectations I subconsciously held, because I don't think they have. Rather, the standards are kind of melting away, so there isn't anything for them to live up to. Like the mentors from last year, they're staking their claims on their portion and involvement in my summer and are refusing to give them up. They're making their own mark that no individual to come could surpass or fall short of, because their moments are individual to them as my mentors.
So yeah. :) Looking forward to more good days with growingly awesome people.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
It's finally happening, prayers are being answered, and I'm starting to really really get excited. This is going to sound really bad and like a stupid thing to be excited about, but I'm starting to really enjoy camp again! And if you think about it, this is really only like my 7th day because I was gone all last week, so I missed out on a lot. I really feel like I just got here, because I was gone, so it feels like a fast change, when really, this is my 3rd week at camp.
The main thing to change and make it better has been the mentors. Aka, getting to know them better. First week I definitely wasn't closed off to them, but they did seriously scare me. Like, what are they going to be like, I wonder if they're anything like the mentors from last year (because obviously your going to have a subconscious standard that you really want them to meet and exceed, even if you know that that isn't the greatest thing in the world), I wonder if they'll like me, maybe they're not going to like me right away. And that one was definitely the worst.
I totally expected them not to like me. "She's just that girl with all the problems who can't handle herself and needs constant help." People have sort of labeled me as that this year and I was really scared that these new people would think that as well. Especially at Sambica, because that place seems to have some kind of protective bubble, where you can talk to anybody about anything your dealing with and it wouldn't leave the campus. So you tend to talk about yourself and your problems a lot.
And also, (off topic) the funniest thing, there was this one mentor that I was totally convinced did not like me at all. Her name is Scuba. I don't know what I miss-interpreted to make myself think that, but anyway. I was talking to her, this other mentor Pez, and this other one, Sage, was kind of just sitting on the tube in the playground, not really listening. I think I said something about how I'd been really nervous about them the first week, and all of a sudden, Scuba stops me and says, "Now I heard . . . that you had thought that I hated you . . ." And she said it in the funniest tone. It wasn't really like a joking thing, but almost as if she was accusing me like, how could I have possibly thought that. It was just really funny. And then I point over at Sage, who was sitting on the tube, not paying attention, and was like "YOU TOLD HER!?!?!?" It was just really funny. But anyway, I'm starting to connect with them a little bit, and I'm learning a lot about them.
I don't want to say that they've met the expectations I subconsciously held, because I don't think they have. Rather, the standards are kind of melting away, so there isn't anything for them to live up to. Like the mentors from last year, they're staking their claims on their portion and involvement in my summer and are refusing to give them up. They're making their own mark that no individual to come could surpass or fall short of, because their moments are individual to them as my mentors.
So yeah. :) Looking forward to more good days with growingly awesome people.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I'll change for you
Dear World,
I'm a very affectionate person. Sometimes, I can over express my love for someone. It's just who I am. Maybe, subconsciously I'll think that the amount you love someone equals how much you tell them, or how much you talk to them. So it really doesn't make sense to me when people say that they love me a lot, and then they show their love in a very minuscule amount. It's been the hardest thing for me to learn when I get close to people. They either don't know how, or are incapable or loving me the way I respond to.
There are people that I KNOW, very specifically, love me like a sister. And I know they'd do anything for me, but sometimes, they won't respond to me if I'm trying to get a hold of them, or it'll be a really long time before they try to contact me again, or they'll hang around other people instead of me, and I always take that really hard. I know they never mean it intentionally. They just don't know how to show me affection in a way I'd respond to. So, I learn how to show affection in a way that pleases them.
If that means a conversation every few months to catch up on life, a hug in passing, or watching you love on others then quickly ask me how my day was, then ok. If that's what makes you feel closer to me, then I'll learn how to feel closer to you in that way. Because I love you.
But you know, if you ever feel like sending me an extra text, asking a more personal question, or giving me a hug, I wouldn't argue. In fact, it may fill a longing I've had for a really long time.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
I'm a very affectionate person. Sometimes, I can over express my love for someone. It's just who I am. Maybe, subconsciously I'll think that the amount you love someone equals how much you tell them, or how much you talk to them. So it really doesn't make sense to me when people say that they love me a lot, and then they show their love in a very minuscule amount. It's been the hardest thing for me to learn when I get close to people. They either don't know how, or are incapable or loving me the way I respond to.
There are people that I KNOW, very specifically, love me like a sister. And I know they'd do anything for me, but sometimes, they won't respond to me if I'm trying to get a hold of them, or it'll be a really long time before they try to contact me again, or they'll hang around other people instead of me, and I always take that really hard. I know they never mean it intentionally. They just don't know how to show me affection in a way I'd respond to. So, I learn how to show affection in a way that pleases them.
If that means a conversation every few months to catch up on life, a hug in passing, or watching you love on others then quickly ask me how my day was, then ok. If that's what makes you feel closer to me, then I'll learn how to feel closer to you in that way. Because I love you.
But you know, if you ever feel like sending me an extra text, asking a more personal question, or giving me a hug, I wouldn't argue. In fact, it may fill a longing I've had for a really long time.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Friday, July 1, 2011
I love you! - Adventure Camp Recap
Dear World,
What do you think of first when you hear those words? "I love you." Is it your boyfriend? Maybe your parents. Little brother or sister. That little kid that's so attached to you, and it makes your heart melt. Maybe God. I have one uncommon contribution to this list. How about nature? Yep. You read this right. No. I'm not pulling your leg or making a joke...
Have you ever thought of love, maybe specific to you as a person or maybe the feeling in general, being shown through nature? Well, I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, that nature is at the top of my list when I think about the words 'I love you'.
But I guess the real question is, who is saying those words to me? Well God of course! God has shown me love in many different ways. Whether it's through His word, music, a sermon, or friendships, but never before has He shown me love through His creation. He has so radically changed how I see Him. He's no longer the isolated, little word that's read in my Bible, or said many times in a conversation, but He is now everything I see, do, and touch.
Yesterday, Thursday, my group and the YD staff went on a hike. This isn't your chill little afternoon hike. We were hiking up this mountain for 4 hours. We couldn't go all the way to the top because of the snow, but we were about a mile in elevation. Once we reached our destination, we could see other mountains that we were above. It was breathtaking, and humbling. I thought I could see the whole world. I was looking across distances I had never imagined I'd see. But then, I realized, this is only a speck in His great creation. There is so much more out there, even though I thought I could see it all.
The main thing this camping trip to Leavenworth has done for me is totally open my eyes to how BIG God is. He isn't just a word in my Bible, or a sound that my preacher makes, but he has made a huge, and spectacular creation for me to live in. And even though I think I may live in a world that is huge, God is even bigger! And because I have been able to see how big God is, I have no trouble thinking that He is strong enough to handle everything I'm dealing with. And that's something I've been struggling with for a while now: knowing and trusting that God can take everything out of my hands. Seriously though, after this week, and that hike, how could I even doubt?
That doesn't mean I'm not scared though. It's terrifying. There is a lot that I'm scared about. But I can say that it relieves me greatly to know that my life is in good hands, and also that this will all turn out well.
And with that, I say goodnight as I go to cuddle in my bed that is NOT on a hard wood floor. :)
In Him,
Maddie Rose
What do you think of first when you hear those words? "I love you." Is it your boyfriend? Maybe your parents. Little brother or sister. That little kid that's so attached to you, and it makes your heart melt. Maybe God. I have one uncommon contribution to this list. How about nature? Yep. You read this right. No. I'm not pulling your leg or making a joke...
Have you ever thought of love, maybe specific to you as a person or maybe the feeling in general, being shown through nature? Well, I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, that nature is at the top of my list when I think about the words 'I love you'.
But I guess the real question is, who is saying those words to me? Well God of course! God has shown me love in many different ways. Whether it's through His word, music, a sermon, or friendships, but never before has He shown me love through His creation. He has so radically changed how I see Him. He's no longer the isolated, little word that's read in my Bible, or said many times in a conversation, but He is now everything I see, do, and touch.
Yesterday, Thursday, my group and the YD staff went on a hike. This isn't your chill little afternoon hike. We were hiking up this mountain for 4 hours. We couldn't go all the way to the top because of the snow, but we were about a mile in elevation. Once we reached our destination, we could see other mountains that we were above. It was breathtaking, and humbling. I thought I could see the whole world. I was looking across distances I had never imagined I'd see. But then, I realized, this is only a speck in His great creation. There is so much more out there, even though I thought I could see it all.
The main thing this camping trip to Leavenworth has done for me is totally open my eyes to how BIG God is. He isn't just a word in my Bible, or a sound that my preacher makes, but he has made a huge, and spectacular creation for me to live in. And even though I think I may live in a world that is huge, God is even bigger! And because I have been able to see how big God is, I have no trouble thinking that He is strong enough to handle everything I'm dealing with. And that's something I've been struggling with for a while now: knowing and trusting that God can take everything out of my hands. Seriously though, after this week, and that hike, how could I even doubt?
That doesn't mean I'm not scared though. It's terrifying. There is a lot that I'm scared about. But I can say that it relieves me greatly to know that my life is in good hands, and also that this will all turn out well.
And with that, I say goodnight as I go to cuddle in my bed that is NOT on a hard wood floor. :)
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Saturday, June 25, 2011
What to expect from Adventure Camp?
Dear World,
Ok, if I'm being totally honest, I am completely not looking forward to Adventure Camp next week for the LITs. I have compiled a list of reasons for this rash statement.
1. I don't like camping.
2. I'll miss everyone at Sambica for the week.
3. I'd miss my BFF's testimony on Thursday night.
4. I'm a little nervous of what's going to come of the trip. What type of spiritual experiences are going to come out of it. I've never been nervous to experience God. Sometimes though, there are things you are scared to feel, and you try your hardest not to, but God will just get it out anyway.
So yeah. But there are some good things that will come of this trip, that I'm excited about. I have compiled another list of these things.
1. It's going to be a lot of fun.
2. I'll get to spend a week with a couple people that I know, as well as several that I don't, and that I'll get to know a lot better.
3. I won't have to work when the day and resident campers are at camp. :)
4. Event though I'm scared and nervous for what God wants to pull out of me, I'm a hopeful for what's going to happen and how I'll change and grow.
So yea. Pros and cons. But I know it's going to be a good time. I just have to wait and see it through. :) I'll post on Friday afternoon after I get back about how it was.
In Him,
Maddie
Ok, if I'm being totally honest, I am completely not looking forward to Adventure Camp next week for the LITs. I have compiled a list of reasons for this rash statement.
1. I don't like camping.
2. I'll miss everyone at Sambica for the week.
3. I'd miss my BFF's testimony on Thursday night.
4. I'm a little nervous of what's going to come of the trip. What type of spiritual experiences are going to come out of it. I've never been nervous to experience God. Sometimes though, there are things you are scared to feel, and you try your hardest not to, but God will just get it out anyway.
So yeah. But there are some good things that will come of this trip, that I'm excited about. I have compiled another list of these things.
1. It's going to be a lot of fun.
2. I'll get to spend a week with a couple people that I know, as well as several that I don't, and that I'll get to know a lot better.
3. I won't have to work when the day and resident campers are at camp. :)
4. Event though I'm scared and nervous for what God wants to pull out of me, I'm a hopeful for what's going to happen and how I'll change and grow.
So yea. Pros and cons. But I know it's going to be a good time. I just have to wait and see it through. :) I'll post on Friday afternoon after I get back about how it was.
In Him,
Maddie
Friday, June 24, 2011
Analyzing Camp
Dear World,
I'm at a bit of a loss for words about camp this week. It's all made me so confused as to how the rest of these 5 weeks is going to go. There have been some pretty awesome times, followed by an equal amount of difficult and hard times, as well as irritating and frustrating times. Everyone from last year is great. Having them around, and hanging out with them all the time, just brings back some amazing memories, and in the process, we create ones that are even better. Meeting new people has been a bit of a tight spot for me because I'm in a work group with guys I already knew from last year, and I just haven't had the chance. We've had fun together though, and I wouldn't given that up. It was too priceless.
As for the new mentors. . . . . sub-par.
Don't worry. I'm totally joking. I actually like them more than I thought I would. A lot of them are very interesting, fun, and seem to be totally cool with the big man in the clouds. Yesterday, because I was totally convinced that 3 of them didn't like me, I brought them some McDonald's, and I think I hit the gold. :)
If I was asked my favorite station this week, and mentor to work with, I think it'd be a tie between Pez and Scuba. Scuba was a looot of fun, and there is something about her that is a little intriguing to me. She seems much more normal than I thought she would be after I first met her. And I loved our Bible study time with Pez. That was the only one where we talked about stuff that didn't have to do with the questions, and it was great. And we wrote the dish washing song, which is going to be legendary from now on.
My absolute favorite part about this first week. . . . was spending time with my fellow Elites from last year. There was a lot of catching up to do, and we'd had some pretty great talks. It has just been a really awesome time that I got to spend with them.
Anyways, I'm moments away from crashing, so I think I'll climb into my warm bed now. I will post more tomorrow on the stimulating topic of, 'Camp: First Week'.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
I'm at a bit of a loss for words about camp this week. It's all made me so confused as to how the rest of these 5 weeks is going to go. There have been some pretty awesome times, followed by an equal amount of difficult and hard times, as well as irritating and frustrating times. Everyone from last year is great. Having them around, and hanging out with them all the time, just brings back some amazing memories, and in the process, we create ones that are even better. Meeting new people has been a bit of a tight spot for me because I'm in a work group with guys I already knew from last year, and I just haven't had the chance. We've had fun together though, and I wouldn't given that up. It was too priceless.
As for the new mentors. . . . . sub-par.
Don't worry. I'm totally joking. I actually like them more than I thought I would. A lot of them are very interesting, fun, and seem to be totally cool with the big man in the clouds. Yesterday, because I was totally convinced that 3 of them didn't like me, I brought them some McDonald's, and I think I hit the gold. :)
If I was asked my favorite station this week, and mentor to work with, I think it'd be a tie between Pez and Scuba. Scuba was a looot of fun, and there is something about her that is a little intriguing to me. She seems much more normal than I thought she would be after I first met her. And I loved our Bible study time with Pez. That was the only one where we talked about stuff that didn't have to do with the questions, and it was great. And we wrote the dish washing song, which is going to be legendary from now on.
My absolute favorite part about this first week. . . . was spending time with my fellow Elites from last year. There was a lot of catching up to do, and we'd had some pretty great talks. It has just been a really awesome time that I got to spend with them.
Anyways, I'm moments away from crashing, so I think I'll climb into my warm bed now. I will post more tomorrow on the stimulating topic of, 'Camp: First Week'.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
First Day. Good or not good. That is the question.
Dear World,
The fist day is over, and honestly, I'm a little relieved. Sambica is so different this year. I mean, there are a lot of Elites that aren't coming till next session, and that's fine, but I just miss them. I am excited to get to know the mentors better. The camp has changed a lot. The work is different and so were the people. Sometimes it's just hard when there was something you loved so much, and you set very high standards, and then you may even make them higher, just because of excitement and expectation, and when things fall short, it's a little disappointing. But the good thing is it's just the first day, and there is so much to do from here. So much to experience, so much to learn, and so much to love.
I must say, Elites never fail to try to have a good time. When one is down, the others try to pick them back up. And there were others who felt the same way I did, but even amongst us who were a little disappointed was a lot of encouragement, and now we're all excited for the rest of this session and the summer.
It never ceases to surprise me how instantaneously we are all there for each other. I can't wait to see how my relationship with the Elites grows and matures this year.
So the theme of this post, not a great first day, but definitely excited for all the days to come.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
The fist day is over, and honestly, I'm a little relieved. Sambica is so different this year. I mean, there are a lot of Elites that aren't coming till next session, and that's fine, but I just miss them. I am excited to get to know the mentors better. The camp has changed a lot. The work is different and so were the people. Sometimes it's just hard when there was something you loved so much, and you set very high standards, and then you may even make them higher, just because of excitement and expectation, and when things fall short, it's a little disappointing. But the good thing is it's just the first day, and there is so much to do from here. So much to experience, so much to learn, and so much to love.
I must say, Elites never fail to try to have a good time. When one is down, the others try to pick them back up. And there were others who felt the same way I did, but even amongst us who were a little disappointed was a lot of encouragement, and now we're all excited for the rest of this session and the summer.
It never ceases to surprise me how instantaneously we are all there for each other. I can't wait to see how my relationship with the Elites grows and matures this year.
So the theme of this post, not a great first day, but definitely excited for all the days to come.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Reunions
Dear World,
I was waiting 9 months for tonight, and I'm so happy to be back! When I was driving up to camp, I was so excited, so nervous, and a little scared. So much changes in all that time. I already knew there were going to be different mentors, and I knew there would be some new ELITEs, and they would have probably made some changes to the camp, and heck, some people were probably going to not even look the same! So, yes. I was very nervous.
But you know what changed that? Hearing my name being screamed from inside the building, and having my mentor from last year, flat out running to get to me. Remember L4D? Yep, it was her. And then, being knocked over, and rolling around on the ground with my friend Delaney. Being snuck up on by some, and ridiculed by others for walking by them and not noticing them, but I didn't care, I was so happy to see them all.
Whatever happens this year, whether good or bad, whether I like it or not, it was good to know I've already got people who love me and have accepted me. I could care less what these new people think... Ok, maybe I care a little bit. ;)
In Him,
Maddie
I was waiting 9 months for tonight, and I'm so happy to be back! When I was driving up to camp, I was so excited, so nervous, and a little scared. So much changes in all that time. I already knew there were going to be different mentors, and I knew there would be some new ELITEs, and they would have probably made some changes to the camp, and heck, some people were probably going to not even look the same! So, yes. I was very nervous.
But you know what changed that? Hearing my name being screamed from inside the building, and having my mentor from last year, flat out running to get to me. Remember L4D? Yep, it was her. And then, being knocked over, and rolling around on the ground with my friend Delaney. Being snuck up on by some, and ridiculed by others for walking by them and not noticing them, but I didn't care, I was so happy to see them all.
Whatever happens this year, whether good or bad, whether I like it or not, it was good to know I've already got people who love me and have accepted me. I could care less what these new people think... Ok, maybe I care a little bit. ;)
In Him,
Maddie
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Churches vs. The Church
Dear World,
The thing about the church I go to, well, it freakin rules. I love the teaching, the worship is pretty legit, and the people there are like my family. I call it my church. But then again, I've called many churches in the past "my church". One from a long time ago, I call my home church. I always return to it. It's always been a part of the picture. But then there is my childhood church, that I haven't been back to since I was probably 8 or 9, and I called it "my church". Basically what I'm trying to get at is, what does it mean to claim a church as your own?
Well, it's not yours. It's God's.
But what about the fact that I'm trying to re-adjust to a different church here in Washington. Just the fact that I need to 're-adjust' has something wrong in and of itself. I do acknowledge the retorts to this that, yes, people tend to go to one church and claim it as theirs because it's the one that they go to every week and the one that has people they know, music they love, and preaching that strikes them. But what I think is wrong and what people should realize is, there isn't anything wrong with other churches. Just because you choose not to go to them doesn't mean that they are bad because of that. Other people go to them, and that's good enough.
But also, there is no such thing as other churches, or my church, or their church. We are ALL the church. A community of believers spreading the gospel. Together, we make up the church. Not separately. It would just be a little chaotic if we all tried to gather in the same place at the same time.
At the end of the day, we're just people who meet in a structure with 4 walls to talk about the one we love the most. And that's all it should ever be.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
The thing about the church I go to, well, it freakin rules. I love the teaching, the worship is pretty legit, and the people there are like my family. I call it my church. But then again, I've called many churches in the past "my church". One from a long time ago, I call my home church. I always return to it. It's always been a part of the picture. But then there is my childhood church, that I haven't been back to since I was probably 8 or 9, and I called it "my church". Basically what I'm trying to get at is, what does it mean to claim a church as your own?
Well, it's not yours. It's God's.
But what about the fact that I'm trying to re-adjust to a different church here in Washington. Just the fact that I need to 're-adjust' has something wrong in and of itself. I do acknowledge the retorts to this that, yes, people tend to go to one church and claim it as theirs because it's the one that they go to every week and the one that has people they know, music they love, and preaching that strikes them. But what I think is wrong and what people should realize is, there isn't anything wrong with other churches. Just because you choose not to go to them doesn't mean that they are bad because of that. Other people go to them, and that's good enough.
But also, there is no such thing as other churches, or my church, or their church. We are ALL the church. A community of believers spreading the gospel. Together, we make up the church. Not separately. It would just be a little chaotic if we all tried to gather in the same place at the same time.
At the end of the day, we're just people who meet in a structure with 4 walls to talk about the one we love the most. And that's all it should ever be.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Back to the Same-old
Dear World,
I'm back in Washington! And this time, it's for SAMBICA as well. I'm so excited. Especially when I walk into the kitchen where I made Cap'n Crunch every morning before I left. And when I walk up the staircase I descended dozens of times, sleepy eyed, ready for another day at camp. But nothing got to me like seeing the room where I was broken, encouraged, desperate, hurting, and where I spent hundreds of hours reading my Bible, preparing for camp, and writing these posts.
To see the ghost of my past summer has made me so ready and excited for this summer. These last 10 months have been torture. Waiting and waiting and waiting to come back. To see everyone. To hug them. To smell the flowers as I walk up to the upper forum. To feel the itchy grass when I lie on my back at the water front. And to hear the screams of excited kids, ready for the greatest time of their lives. It's been hard to wait, but here I am. So close. And I only have a few more days to get through, and then it'll all start again. But it's not going to be the same. It can't. Because everything is different now. The same thing never happens twice, but maybe, this time it'll be even more of an adventure. This time, my summer will be marked by experiences and memories of it's own, making it another summer to remember for the rest of my life.
With excitement and love,
In Him,
Maddie Rose
I'm back in Washington! And this time, it's for SAMBICA as well. I'm so excited. Especially when I walk into the kitchen where I made Cap'n Crunch every morning before I left. And when I walk up the staircase I descended dozens of times, sleepy eyed, ready for another day at camp. But nothing got to me like seeing the room where I was broken, encouraged, desperate, hurting, and where I spent hundreds of hours reading my Bible, preparing for camp, and writing these posts.
To see the ghost of my past summer has made me so ready and excited for this summer. These last 10 months have been torture. Waiting and waiting and waiting to come back. To see everyone. To hug them. To smell the flowers as I walk up to the upper forum. To feel the itchy grass when I lie on my back at the water front. And to hear the screams of excited kids, ready for the greatest time of their lives. It's been hard to wait, but here I am. So close. And I only have a few more days to get through, and then it'll all start again. But it's not going to be the same. It can't. Because everything is different now. The same thing never happens twice, but maybe, this time it'll be even more of an adventure. This time, my summer will be marked by experiences and memories of it's own, making it another summer to remember for the rest of my life.
With excitement and love,
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Baptized!
Dear World,
Sambica 2011 is approaching fast! I'm so excited to go back, but I've also been contemplating over the last year. Last June to this May. So much has changed. Other than everything around me feeling like it's been thrown into a blender on high, I know that I have become almost a different person. I'm not the same shy, quiet, and timid person I once was. I now have my identity in Christ. Today I was baptized and now I only wish to embody the Holy Spirit and when people look at me, I can only hope that they will see it in me. That's all I wish for this next year. In my life, my years have been dated according to the beginning of each summer. This last year has radically changed my life forever! But I'm also so excited for this next year. Because from this day forward, He will be everything I do, speak, and believe. There will be nothing that comes between me and the Father. He is not only my life, but my world. He is more precious to me than anything. There's nothing I wouldn't give up for Him. I've been baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit and all 3 of them will be with me for every single day of my life, till the day I die, and I get to go and live with Him in his kingdom. :)
I love you so much Lord! And even if no one understands this, You do, and that's all that will ever matter to me. Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, for everything you've done in my life!
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Sambica 2011 is approaching fast! I'm so excited to go back, but I've also been contemplating over the last year. Last June to this May. So much has changed. Other than everything around me feeling like it's been thrown into a blender on high, I know that I have become almost a different person. I'm not the same shy, quiet, and timid person I once was. I now have my identity in Christ. Today I was baptized and now I only wish to embody the Holy Spirit and when people look at me, I can only hope that they will see it in me. That's all I wish for this next year. In my life, my years have been dated according to the beginning of each summer. This last year has radically changed my life forever! But I'm also so excited for this next year. Because from this day forward, He will be everything I do, speak, and believe. There will be nothing that comes between me and the Father. He is not only my life, but my world. He is more precious to me than anything. There's nothing I wouldn't give up for Him. I've been baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit and all 3 of them will be with me for every single day of my life, till the day I die, and I get to go and live with Him in his kingdom. :)
I love you so much Lord! And even if no one understands this, You do, and that's all that will ever matter to me. Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, for everything you've done in my life!
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Monday, May 2, 2011
Long Distances Don't Break the Friendship!
Dear World,
Something just hit me. I'm going back to sambica in almost a month. I was thinking about all the people I met there last year, and then I thought, they treat me like such a big part of their lives, and I am so far away. I can only see them every few months, and sometimes, not even that. I haven't seen most of them since November. And yet, they treat me like I'm such a ginormous part of their life. I don't really have a whole lot I want to share in this post, just that, even though we're separated by almost 2,000 miles we're still the best friends we've got.
Aaaaanddd, I'm really excited to be seeing them in 7 weeks!
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Something just hit me. I'm going back to sambica in almost a month. I was thinking about all the people I met there last year, and then I thought, they treat me like such a big part of their lives, and I am so far away. I can only see them every few months, and sometimes, not even that. I haven't seen most of them since November. And yet, they treat me like I'm such a ginormous part of their life. I don't really have a whole lot I want to share in this post, just that, even though we're separated by almost 2,000 miles we're still the best friends we've got.
Aaaaanddd, I'm really excited to be seeing them in 7 weeks!
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Generation Love
Dear World,
This post is mostly directed towards my generation. And no, that does not mean people 15 years and younger. That includes EVERYONE in my generation. Those about 22 years and younger. People have a very strange view as to how the generations are separated. Just because I'm a freshmen and your a senior doesn't make you in a completely different generation then me. That just make you two years older than me.
My generation is the one that is going to set the course of things in this world. Just think about it. We're practically the first generation to have grown up using technology from birth. We've known nothing else. People don't give us enough credit. They say we're obsessed with technology, but come on? That is HOW the world runs now a-days. Everything is technological. There isn't many alternatives. Communication, entertainment, recreation... It's all we know because that's all we've been raised to know. What are we going to do with it?
My generation has also been through much too much. The biggest thing we face is being the children of divorce. Do people really understand how much this kills a child's life? They almost have no time to be a child. They are forced to grow up so quickly. It's heart breaking. And many of their view's of what a relationship is supposed to look like is corrupt. 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Those kind of rates are bound to effect a child's view of a relationship.
My generation is also fighting some of the toughest things imaginable, more than anyone else in the world ever has had to before. Things like suicide, depression, drugs, alcohol, bullying, addictions, bulimia, or anorexia. These things are very, VERY real!!! And not only that, but it happens to kids in my generation so much more often then people even know. Maybe look in the mirror. You might see one of those struggling teens looking at you.
But you know what? We WILL be set apart from the generations before us. And it's not going to be any of these things above that is going to define us. It will be our strength. Our strength to get through all of these terrible things. Our strength that keeps us going because we know that it gets better. And not only that, but our love. The love that brings us together as a generation. Maybe not because we get along, or even particularly enjoy one another, but because we understand one another. We understand each other so much better than anyone else could. Because, not only are a lot of us dealing with this at the same time, or even particularly dealing with the same thing, but we understand the pain. And the fact that we can come together as one body and one people, and leave all background anger and bitterness between one another behind, is what is going to set us apart from the other generations.
Be proud of yourself. You are strong, and loved.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
This post is mostly directed towards my generation. And no, that does not mean people 15 years and younger. That includes EVERYONE in my generation. Those about 22 years and younger. People have a very strange view as to how the generations are separated. Just because I'm a freshmen and your a senior doesn't make you in a completely different generation then me. That just make you two years older than me.
My generation is the one that is going to set the course of things in this world. Just think about it. We're practically the first generation to have grown up using technology from birth. We've known nothing else. People don't give us enough credit. They say we're obsessed with technology, but come on? That is HOW the world runs now a-days. Everything is technological. There isn't many alternatives. Communication, entertainment, recreation... It's all we know because that's all we've been raised to know. What are we going to do with it?
My generation has also been through much too much. The biggest thing we face is being the children of divorce. Do people really understand how much this kills a child's life? They almost have no time to be a child. They are forced to grow up so quickly. It's heart breaking. And many of their view's of what a relationship is supposed to look like is corrupt. 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Those kind of rates are bound to effect a child's view of a relationship.
My generation is also fighting some of the toughest things imaginable, more than anyone else in the world ever has had to before. Things like suicide, depression, drugs, alcohol, bullying, addictions, bulimia, or anorexia. These things are very, VERY real!!! And not only that, but it happens to kids in my generation so much more often then people even know. Maybe look in the mirror. You might see one of those struggling teens looking at you.
But you know what? We WILL be set apart from the generations before us. And it's not going to be any of these things above that is going to define us. It will be our strength. Our strength to get through all of these terrible things. Our strength that keeps us going because we know that it gets better. And not only that, but our love. The love that brings us together as a generation. Maybe not because we get along, or even particularly enjoy one another, but because we understand one another. We understand each other so much better than anyone else could. Because, not only are a lot of us dealing with this at the same time, or even particularly dealing with the same thing, but we understand the pain. And the fact that we can come together as one body and one people, and leave all background anger and bitterness between one another behind, is what is going to set us apart from the other generations.
Be proud of yourself. You are strong, and loved.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Teen Suicides
Dear World,
I love God. He's pretty much my main man. And I've promised to listen to him when he's calling me to do something. And right now, he's wanting me to write this post. But seriously? It is so freaking late. Don't worry, I'll write the post, but just to let you all know, you're not always going to be willing to do what God wants you to do. Even if that means staying up late when you are already tired to write a blog post you've been neglecting writing for a long time.
Lately, there have been a lot of reports of teen suicides. In this past year, teenage suicide has increased by 10 percent. Each year, at least 8,000 teens in the U.S. commit suicide. It is the second leading cause of death in teenagers. There is this thing circling around asking people, teens mostly, to draw a heart on their wrist in order to support the prevention of teen suicides.
Teen suicide is an awful thing. People tend to underestimate how many people struggle with suicidal thoughts or fantasies. So many of the people in even your everyday lives could be struggling with it. It's such an overpowering thing that many people fall prone to it. But it's not unbeatable. Sometimes, it just means caring. Which can include a lot of things. A hug. Some love. The simple act of showing you care can go a long way in the prevention of a teen suicide.
It's something you absolutely can not ignore. Every one of those teens, every one of those human lives, is a future ended. It's potential, ended. It could have been a difference that never came, or a revolution that could not have happened.
And you can reverse that. Just take a step of faith. Ask that one person if they are alright. Talk to somebody new at school. Try to do one extra kind thing a day. You never know. You could save a life.
All for Him,
Maddie Rose
I love God. He's pretty much my main man. And I've promised to listen to him when he's calling me to do something. And right now, he's wanting me to write this post. But seriously? It is so freaking late. Don't worry, I'll write the post, but just to let you all know, you're not always going to be willing to do what God wants you to do. Even if that means staying up late when you are already tired to write a blog post you've been neglecting writing for a long time.
Lately, there have been a lot of reports of teen suicides. In this past year, teenage suicide has increased by 10 percent. Each year, at least 8,000 teens in the U.S. commit suicide. It is the second leading cause of death in teenagers. There is this thing circling around asking people, teens mostly, to draw a heart on their wrist in order to support the prevention of teen suicides.
Teen suicide is an awful thing. People tend to underestimate how many people struggle with suicidal thoughts or fantasies. So many of the people in even your everyday lives could be struggling with it. It's such an overpowering thing that many people fall prone to it. But it's not unbeatable. Sometimes, it just means caring. Which can include a lot of things. A hug. Some love. The simple act of showing you care can go a long way in the prevention of a teen suicide.
It's something you absolutely can not ignore. Every one of those teens, every one of those human lives, is a future ended. It's potential, ended. It could have been a difference that never came, or a revolution that could not have happened.
And you can reverse that. Just take a step of faith. Ask that one person if they are alright. Talk to somebody new at school. Try to do one extra kind thing a day. You never know. You could save a life.
All for Him,
Maddie Rose
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Taking Off the Mask
Dear World,
So what is this post about? Well, let's just say that in the past two weeks, I feel as though I've come down off of my "high", aka, my crazy love for God that's kept me going for the past 7 months. It's kind of hard to explain. Everything nowadays is too complicated to even think about. But basically, I feel as though I'm falling away. Maybe it's because I've gone back over to the youth a couple times in the past few weeks. But I know I'm having trouble focusing on God.
I don't like hiding. I don't like putting on faces. Don't get me wrong, being silly with little kids, hanging with my friends, making people laugh... that's all really good for me. It keeps me from being so serious all the time... But sometimes, I just need to let my guard down, be vulnerable, and ask for help. Which is pretty hard for me. I always hate asking people for help. I'm a "do it myself" kind of person. And that's usually just because I hate feeling like a burden to people. I set very, very, strict boundaries for myself so I wouldn't start to be a burden to the person I may be asking for help.
But really, I'm just having a hard time holding on to that fire I've had. The fire to be with God, learn about Him, read about Him, love Him... And I know I need to take my face of "let's have fun and make jokes" off because all it does is put up walls. And I end up putting off my problems and emotional needs until they build up and build up and build up and eventually explode over into other areas of my life.
But, now how do I wrap this post up? Weeeellll..... how about, when I need help, I'll ask. And if I know I'm putting on an appearance for people because I don't want to burden them with what's eating away at me, I'll take off the mask.
I'll just reverse my natural tendencies for the past 15 years. Yea, no big deal.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
So what is this post about? Well, let's just say that in the past two weeks, I feel as though I've come down off of my "high", aka, my crazy love for God that's kept me going for the past 7 months. It's kind of hard to explain. Everything nowadays is too complicated to even think about. But basically, I feel as though I'm falling away. Maybe it's because I've gone back over to the youth a couple times in the past few weeks. But I know I'm having trouble focusing on God.
I don't like hiding. I don't like putting on faces. Don't get me wrong, being silly with little kids, hanging with my friends, making people laugh... that's all really good for me. It keeps me from being so serious all the time... But sometimes, I just need to let my guard down, be vulnerable, and ask for help. Which is pretty hard for me. I always hate asking people for help. I'm a "do it myself" kind of person. And that's usually just because I hate feeling like a burden to people. I set very, very, strict boundaries for myself so I wouldn't start to be a burden to the person I may be asking for help.
But really, I'm just having a hard time holding on to that fire I've had. The fire to be with God, learn about Him, read about Him, love Him... And I know I need to take my face of "let's have fun and make jokes" off because all it does is put up walls. And I end up putting off my problems and emotional needs until they build up and build up and build up and eventually explode over into other areas of my life.
But, now how do I wrap this post up? Weeeellll..... how about, when I need help, I'll ask. And if I know I'm putting on an appearance for people because I don't want to burden them with what's eating away at me, I'll take off the mask.
I'll just reverse my natural tendencies for the past 15 years. Yea, no big deal.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Love God, Love Others..
Dear World,
This morning I read something interesting on facebook. My church runs this Faith Internet Church for people around the world, and they'll usually put out some little tidbit of what their next session was going to be about.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Stressed
Dear World,
Don't ask me why, I couldn't give you an answer. Don't ask how long, I wouldn't remember. Don't ask me when, where, or how it started, because I just don't know. But I do know one thing. I am, completely, and totally, melting. I don't know if it's stress really. I don't have much to be stressed about. Actually, that's not true, I have more to stress about than your average teenager. I'm just very good at, not stressing. But for some reason, I'm having a lot of anxiety and stress over I don't know what! I don't have a lot to be doing in school at the moment. Yea, I'm a little behind, but I can catch that up in one night. It's not really friends, because I'm getting along well with all my friends. Yea, my family stresses me out, but like I said, I'm really good at not letting that get to me.
Maybe my pent up stress from the past few months is just pouring over? I know how I work. Sometimes I'm really really good, and other times I'm really really bad. I don't think my time of stressing and anxiety over load is going to last that long. I've been feeling the anxiety and stress coming on for the past two weeks, but now it's here with full force. I think it's just going to last through to next week, but for right now, I just need to cool down, do my school, then go to bed.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Don't ask me why, I couldn't give you an answer. Don't ask how long, I wouldn't remember. Don't ask me when, where, or how it started, because I just don't know. But I do know one thing. I am, completely, and totally, melting. I don't know if it's stress really. I don't have much to be stressed about. Actually, that's not true, I have more to stress about than your average teenager. I'm just very good at, not stressing. But for some reason, I'm having a lot of anxiety and stress over I don't know what! I don't have a lot to be doing in school at the moment. Yea, I'm a little behind, but I can catch that up in one night. It's not really friends, because I'm getting along well with all my friends. Yea, my family stresses me out, but like I said, I'm really good at not letting that get to me.
Maybe my pent up stress from the past few months is just pouring over? I know how I work. Sometimes I'm really really good, and other times I'm really really bad. I don't think my time of stressing and anxiety over load is going to last that long. I've been feeling the anxiety and stress coming on for the past two weeks, but now it's here with full force. I think it's just going to last through to next week, but for right now, I just need to cool down, do my school, then go to bed.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
Monday, February 14, 2011
Who is your Valentine?
Dear World,
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY! And guess what? You're single, and on the market. So stop moping around. Love will find it's way into your heart.
Hey, did you know, you don't have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to have that wonderful love you're longing for this valentine's day? This love is so much deeper. And so much more intimate and powerful and fulfilling than any love you could ever find. It's the love that saved you. The love that redeemed you. The love that sacrificed everything for your soul. A love that took the weight of the whole world upon itself, because it cared so much for your eternal soul it subjected itself to torment and agonizing physical pain.
Here is a letter from your true Valentine.
People say, I love you more than life itself. This man meant it more than them all. He actually gave up His life, FOR YOU. So if you're having trouble this Valentine's Day, feeling alone and un-loved, think again. There is one person who will always, and forever, love you, no matter what you do or say. Always.
Happy Valentine's Day,
Maddie
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY! And guess what? You're single, and on the market. So stop moping around. Love will find it's way into your heart.
Hey, did you know, you don't have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to have that wonderful love you're longing for this valentine's day? This love is so much deeper. And so much more intimate and powerful and fulfilling than any love you could ever find. It's the love that saved you. The love that redeemed you. The love that sacrificed everything for your soul. A love that took the weight of the whole world upon itself, because it cared so much for your eternal soul it subjected itself to torment and agonizing physical pain.
Here is a letter from your true Valentine.
My Princess Bride,
You have captured my heart, My Princess.
I will always love you. From the moment I
dreamed you up, I loved and adored you. This
love I have for you is never ending and ever
present. My heartfelt desire is for you to walk
through all your days knowing you are truly
the love of My life. I never want you to feel
you have to earn My affection; nothing you
have said or done can or will ever change the
way I feel about you. I have chosen you to be
My precious Bride. If you allow your soul to
settle into Mine and become one with Me,
you will never doubt that I am forever and
always devoted to you.
Love,
Your Prince Jesus
who can't stop loving youPeople say, I love you more than life itself. This man meant it more than them all. He actually gave up His life, FOR YOU. So if you're having trouble this Valentine's Day, feeling alone and un-loved, think again. There is one person who will always, and forever, love you, no matter what you do or say. Always.
Happy Valentine's Day,
Maddie
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Goodbye 2010 Bitter-Sweet
Dear World,
2010 is gone, and 2011 is here. Well first off, I'm unfortunately sick this New Years. Me being sick kept me from going to my youth groups New Year's Party. I wouldn't have been upset about not going at all, but they have this thing called the Polar Plunge, where you have to stay in the pool the longest and you win 50$. I needed that money to go to SAMBICA next summer. I only had about 100$, but I spent a lot of that on Christmas, and now I'm down to about 60$. So, instead of only having to raise 250 after this New Years, I have to, somehow, get 350$ by April. (Donations Accepted!! :D )
I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have a pretty cool God who can make anything happen. He'll provide me with a way to go.
Anyway, this New Years has been very bitter sweet. This year has been insane. From the transition to high school, to SAMBICA, family struggles, closed friendships, and new ones to take their place. I'm not really saying goodbye to anything. Only hello. I can only move forward from here. I've made wonderful friends from my summer camp. There's a fantastic support system for my family at church. And as much as I want to kill them sometimes, my friends here in the Coachella Valley are amazing, and I know they'll be there for me, no matter how much of a pain in their side I can be. Even though sometimes I can hurt them, break their hearts, lash out, ignore, and down right misstreat them. Through this past year, I've figured out who my TRUE friends, REALLY are.
Dear 2011,
I'm ready for all you have to offer me. I know there are big plans in store for me. I also know that this may be the hardest year of my life. But I'm just here to say, bring it on. Jesus is my rock, and He will get me through whatever you throw my way.
I'm ready. Are you?
Maddie Rose
2010 is gone, and 2011 is here. Well first off, I'm unfortunately sick this New Years. Me being sick kept me from going to my youth groups New Year's Party. I wouldn't have been upset about not going at all, but they have this thing called the Polar Plunge, where you have to stay in the pool the longest and you win 50$. I needed that money to go to SAMBICA next summer. I only had about 100$, but I spent a lot of that on Christmas, and now I'm down to about 60$. So, instead of only having to raise 250 after this New Years, I have to, somehow, get 350$ by April. (Donations Accepted!! :D )
I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have a pretty cool God who can make anything happen. He'll provide me with a way to go.
Anyway, this New Years has been very bitter sweet. This year has been insane. From the transition to high school, to SAMBICA, family struggles, closed friendships, and new ones to take their place. I'm not really saying goodbye to anything. Only hello. I can only move forward from here. I've made wonderful friends from my summer camp. There's a fantastic support system for my family at church. And as much as I want to kill them sometimes, my friends here in the Coachella Valley are amazing, and I know they'll be there for me, no matter how much of a pain in their side I can be. Even though sometimes I can hurt them, break their hearts, lash out, ignore, and down right misstreat them. Through this past year, I've figured out who my TRUE friends, REALLY are.
Dear 2011,
I'm ready for all you have to offer me. I know there are big plans in store for me. I also know that this may be the hardest year of my life. But I'm just here to say, bring it on. Jesus is my rock, and He will get me through whatever you throw my way.
I'm ready. Are you?
Maddie Rose
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)