Dear World,
So what is this post about? Well, let's just say that in the past two weeks, I feel as though I've come down off of my "high", aka, my crazy love for God that's kept me going for the past 7 months. It's kind of hard to explain. Everything nowadays is too complicated to even think about. But basically, I feel as though I'm falling away. Maybe it's because I've gone back over to the youth a couple times in the past few weeks. But I know I'm having trouble focusing on God.
I don't like hiding. I don't like putting on faces. Don't get me wrong, being silly with little kids, hanging with my friends, making people laugh... that's all really good for me. It keeps me from being so serious all the time... But sometimes, I just need to let my guard down, be vulnerable, and ask for help. Which is pretty hard for me. I always hate asking people for help. I'm a "do it myself" kind of person. And that's usually just because I hate feeling like a burden to people. I set very, very, strict boundaries for myself so I wouldn't start to be a burden to the person I may be asking for help.
But really, I'm just having a hard time holding on to that fire I've had. The fire to be with God, learn about Him, read about Him, love Him... And I know I need to take my face of "let's have fun and make jokes" off because all it does is put up walls. And I end up putting off my problems and emotional needs until they build up and build up and build up and eventually explode over into other areas of my life.
But, now how do I wrap this post up? Weeeellll..... how about, when I need help, I'll ask. And if I know I'm putting on an appearance for people because I don't want to burden them with what's eating away at me, I'll take off the mask.
I'll just reverse my natural tendencies for the past 15 years. Yea, no big deal.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
So what is this post about? Well, let's just say that in the past two weeks, I feel as though I've come down off of my "high", aka, my crazy love for God that's kept me going for the past 7 months. It's kind of hard to explain. Everything nowadays is too complicated to even think about. But basically, I feel as though I'm falling away. Maybe it's because I've gone back over to the youth a couple times in the past few weeks. But I know I'm having trouble focusing on God.
I don't like hiding. I don't like putting on faces. Don't get me wrong, being silly with little kids, hanging with my friends, making people laugh... that's all really good for me. It keeps me from being so serious all the time... But sometimes, I just need to let my guard down, be vulnerable, and ask for help. Which is pretty hard for me. I always hate asking people for help. I'm a "do it myself" kind of person. And that's usually just because I hate feeling like a burden to people. I set very, very, strict boundaries for myself so I wouldn't start to be a burden to the person I may be asking for help.
But really, I'm just having a hard time holding on to that fire I've had. The fire to be with God, learn about Him, read about Him, love Him... And I know I need to take my face of "let's have fun and make jokes" off because all it does is put up walls. And I end up putting off my problems and emotional needs until they build up and build up and build up and eventually explode over into other areas of my life.
But, now how do I wrap this post up? Weeeellll..... how about, when I need help, I'll ask. And if I know I'm putting on an appearance for people because I don't want to burden them with what's eating away at me, I'll take off the mask.
I'll just reverse my natural tendencies for the past 15 years. Yea, no big deal.
In Him,
Maddie Rose
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