Withdrawn

Dear World,

SAMBICA is amazing. They've helped me discover a lot about myself, and pushed me to making my relationship with God more personal. Sambica... I love the camp. I'm incredibly sad that next week is my last week. I would have been here for a total of 5 weeks. (no wonder the mentors are getting tired of me. :P) I would trade my entire summer plans to be there for the rest of the session and session 3.

Yesterday, and today, I was withdrawn from the fun and excitement that SAMBICA has to offer. A lot has been going on at home and it's easy for me to get distracted and start thinking about my situation at home. I don't like being on this seemingly emotional roller coaster. I love being here, and I enjoy it so much, and I've been having so much fun. But sometimes, realization about things that are happening in the house that I have to go back to, 2 states away, will crash over me, and I'll just get withdrawn. I feel as if people, elites, mentors, get annoyed with how easily my mood changes. But I just can't help it. I can't help but feel sad about what's going on at home. I can't help but be emotional about things that are happening in my life. I can't help when one second I'm crazy and hyper and am having fun, and the next I'm sad and sullen and am seemingly depressed.

Life sucks...

and I can sit here and focus everything that's gone wrong with me and how much it sucks and how many ways I can mope and be upset and yada yada yada. Yes, I'm going through trials, and it is hard, and I will be upset, but the longer I rant about how hard it is, the harder it will be to thank God for the things that I do have.

I am going to list a few of the things that I'm thankful for, here-
Growing up in a Christian home
Knowing that my parents love me
Having both my parents alive, and healthy
Having an older sister
Having a younger sister
Jesus saving my life, and loving lowly, filthy, disgusting, wretched me
Friends that make me smile and friends that I know will be there for me during the hard times
L4d, for being there the moment I needed someone to talk to. aka, first day, and several days since then
Pluto, for letting me share my heart, and thoughts I'm having, with her
TigerLily, for being a fresh, funny, entertaining spirit. because, Lord knows, we definitely need some entertainment in our lives.
Kitty, for all the little things. his small jokes, his pathetic comebacks, his uncanny way of making everyone comfortable around each other
DodgeCity, for his gift of speaking and preaching because through some of the talks he's done during forum, I've been able to hear God speaking clearly to me through his mouth.

I have so much more to be thankful for, but that will do for now. I shouldn't let what's going on in my life rob me of so much of my joy. I think that it is good to be sad, and feel the pain, but when it makes it hard to focus on the positive is when I should be worried.

In Him,
Maddie