CA shirts

Dear World,

Today i showed up at camp wearing an NCA shirt (not camp appropriate). It didn't seem to be in my eyes, but one of the mentors said it was. At first i just wore my jacket over it, but that seemed to be too hot, so i borrowed a shirt from one of the girls i was working with. I was very frustrated with the whole CA shirt thing, so i gave the mentor who had told me to change, an oath of silence for the whole day. I can be so immature. It wasn't till i was driving away, and i saw her walking towards the rest of the ELITEs that were getting ready to leave, that i realized how stupid i was. I didn't even say goodbye man! I was raised to always say goodbye to friends, so that way, just in case something happens, i would have said goodbye to them, or given them a hug as, like, a final seeing sorta thing. So i felt bad about that.

I wonder how much it must brake the Lord's heart when we don't spend as much time with Him, or are as worried if we sinned against Him as we are with our earthly friends. I know I'm guilty of doing that, A LOT! I spend so much time worrying about if, my friends like me, if I hurt them by something I might've said, if i was rude, mean, sarcastic... etc. I think it must hurt God that we don't pour so much of ourselves into correcting the sin we commit against Him as we do in the sin we commit against people. Because the sin we commit against God will always outweigh the sin we commit against any human being.

But also, I think we pour so much of ourselves into correcting human relationships, because humans bite back. They get hurt and then they retaliate. God doesn't retaliate. He waits, patiently, for you to come and make it right. He doesn't fight. But He does punish wrong doing. That's where I think people get the two confused. 'God is getting me back for not spending exactly 30 minutes with Him, when I had to stop devotion at 25 minutes'. No, God's not getting you back. He's punishing you. Punishing you for stealing those drugs, for smoking that pot, for cheating on your wife. etc...

Anyways, I'm going to start pouring more of myself into my relationship with God, then with my relationships with man.
But, if you are reading this, I apologize for being so immature today. You may not have noticed, or maybe you did, but either way, I'm very sorry.

Until tomorrow,
Maddie